The Bad Seed

My ex-landlady had a baby from hell. This baby girl was 2 and manipulative in ways that would have made Cruela Devil blush! She even had the knowing look she'd throw your way when she got what she wanted against your better judgement; hidden of course from the sight of the person who gave her her way. (If you ever watched the Tazmanian Devil, the kid was remniscent of that evil cat Taz would battle with)

This had me thinking today. What if you find yourself in a relationship with a person who has children from a previous relationship? That's bad enough and a big responsibility yeah? Well, what if their kid is the Bad Seed? What if your tempted to comb through their scalp with a fine tooth comb in search of the mark of the beast? What if the kid is Chuckie? Do you stay or do you go?

Just a thought.

Coast the 24 hour City Under the Sun

Was down at the Coast this weekend & it was really great! Coasto is probably the only place in this country where you can eat a meal from a roadside duka at 10pm (with no ill effects on the tummy), walk over to a rave joint at that hour and club hop on mats 'till your hotel at whatever hour of the a.m.! Niiiice! It's more likely to hit the 24 hour economy we've been hearing so much about than Nairobbery. Kudos on Nakumatt for trying but I wonder how much night time activity they see that's not linked to young guys buying booze at RRP to drink in their parking lots!

Have a 24-hour-thinking day!

The World Cup is here - Yippeeee!

I absolutely love & adore the World Cup. My life is lived in 4 year increments from World Cup to World Cup ... as though I'd been born on Feb 29th. I am having a ball (pun intended!)

It must be said that my favourite goal of the games so far was that of Maicon in the Brazil - North Korea match. The guy kicked it in from such an impossible angle, I was actually seating back waiting for the goal kick, only to notice the celebration. Kudos.

The season has been relatively goal-less; a situation that has been blamed on the Jabulani (the ball) which has been stated as baing too light. At first, I thought this was a whole lot of rubbish from sore losers until I came to realise that 3/4 of the crosses aren't finding their marks (and actually end up way too far on the other side of the field) and also noticed that a number of shots on goal end up above the bar. There must be something with that ball. A near miss by Adidas?

My team (after all African teams (which seem to be putting all they have behind attaining an early exit from the games))is France. They've had a most lack lustre performance but let's watch and see. It's like I was saying about SA jana, if they're loosing, they may as well do so, so we can concentrate our cheers on more deserving teams!

Of Office Policies & Riots

The office has a new internet policy that blocks facebook & other social networks and even yahoo mail & blogger while allowing MSN & yahoo chat ... yeah, go figure

I have come to think that campusarians are evil. It's really not my fault that you had troubled elections. I work in Westi and going home has been such a headache of late, what with the rains coupled with the riots! I'm glad the Campus is closed and hope you get to go home and think about what you've done. The worst of it all (as I remember from my Campus days) is that it's less than 10% of the Students who engage in the violent misbehaviour I've seen reported on news but 100% who are blamed for it. Guess such is life.

Israel jails man for 'holy semen' sex abuse

Well, this is probably not the funniest story on earth ... probably not funny at all when you really think about it, but I honestly can't help but smile. How? How really? "My semen is holy and will cure the cancer" ... "If you touch me, you will be healed" ... "The sent of me takes away all evil" Come on!!

So brings the question, are we just so eager to beleive anything that's put on the table by supposed 'Holy Men'? Do we lap up all that's supposedly 'prophecied'? Are the Finger of God saga and this psycho that far away from the Waco disaster? Why do we find it so hard to find God we jump at all that's availed.

Makmende

This guy has become a Kenyan phenomena over the span of little more than 48 hours. Who is he? Rewind .... play: Just a band - a really great and different Kenyan group, recently released the video to Ha-He, one of the best songs in their album '82'. (Watch it below) The protagonist of the video is Makmende, Kenya's self styled Jack Bauer straight from the 70's. After the release of the video, Makmende developed a following of his own quite seperate from the group and video, and he is everywhere! Facebook, Twitter, Mashada; there's now even a Makmende site.

This goes to show that Kenyan creativity is something to reckon with. These sites have been keeping me in stitches all weekend long!

Yahoo doesn't think you should be single ...

Well I am single and don't have much beef with that and all is well with the world. Well, at least it was, until I was requested to re-activate one of my dormant yahoo accounts. No big deal huh? I didn't think it would be either. Until I saw that they require me to input 2 secret quesions that only I would have the answers to. The options?
-Where did you go on honeymoon?
-What's your oldest/last born's nickname?
-Where did you meet your spouse?
-What is the last name of your maid of honour/best man at your wedding?

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey! Come on now!

Of the 'Cost' of Silver

So leo I was in town. And as always, minding my own business. I've recently been stung by a jewelry bug and was out looking for a pretty silver ring. At this juncture I must pause and state that this country is no longer our own. You and I are not expeced to have enough money in our pockets to buy more than the dollar-a-day basics. This realization hit me like a slap on the face. Fine, I was dressed casually in top, jacket and jeans but that should be no reason for the feedback I was getting.

The first guy was polite enough but wasn't bothered to get his nose out of the paper he was reading and only gave me half grunts in response to my queries. When I required to see a ring, which meant his getting his ass off the chair, I heard an audible sigh and the heavy shuffling of feet and was all but too aware of the fact that he felt that I was wasting his time. I didn't let him get dissapointed on that and left without buying a thing.

The next place I went to had a mama who begun, upon hearing my query, by announcing that their rings cost x/= (which I felt was rather low) ... those ones of don't bother me about them if you can't afford them. When I insisted on seeing them, she reluctantly brought out a collection of (rather plain) rings and it was all that she could do to keep herself from forcefully ejectig me from the premises.

What to do. I liked one of the rings I saw in the first place so I guess I'll have to undergo a bit more of the same. Najivunia ...

Of New Years, Old Bars and Karaoke

So, the other day I was minding my own business having gone to my local for a couple of drinks after a bad day. As the evening progressed, I noticed the owner of the bar and thought I'd have a word with him about the quality of their karaoke.

Pause to give background: I love karaoke. To me it's the best thing since Big G chewing gum. I've been known to fraternize joints solely on their Karaoke days and disown them immediately after karaoke is shelved. So this bar's karaoke night was one of it's appeals. Well anyway, they moved their karaoke night from Wednesday to Tuesday and got rid of the guy who used to facilitate the karaoke, replacing him with a new chick.

The first Tuesday I unsuspectingly attended the New and Improved Tuesday Karaoke (with powerfoam plus), I was in shock. I was greeted by a chick, who sung beautifully, but could not do much else! The woman gave us a 10 minute lecture in screeched tones amplified by a mic, on the importance of clapping for all performers at a karaoke event regardless of the quality of their skill. She said she was in charge and we may as well put up with it. She said that if we don't like it, we might as well leave. And leave I did. Nobody gives me a dressing down at a place I am paying to be. I am not prone to headaches, but that day I got one. I now understand what people mean when they refer to nagging wives. If she were married, I'd changa for her hubby's divorce lawyer's fees. Roho safi.

Well, back to our story, on that day, I noticed the owner of the bar and approached him seekng that he ask the chick to tone down and be friendlier. Lo and behold, the idiot owner gave me a dressing down (in a tone likely to suggest that my opinion was worth to him little more than the bible to an atheist) saying that the chick had caused a rise in their sales on Tuesday (yeah ... she invites her friends ..) and that he was very happy with her. Surprised and dumbfounded, I shook my head and left. Let's see how purported increase sales last!

I'd have been happy to add that I've not been back since, but that woulndn't be true. I love that club if not its owners & singers ... But I've definately not been back on a Tuesday!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Blogosphere! The year of the World Cup!!! Need I say more?!

The festivities around the 31st were great. I had a ball.

Immediately after that, I was recalled from leave, have been having the worst cold of the year, and found myself in the middle of the Matatu strike (asi!)

Anyway, I choose to look at the half empty glass as half full (still trying) :)

Hope you embrace your 2010.

Aaaaaagh!

I'm on leave. Was on leave yesterday and today. Yesterday I drank myself silly very happily without a care in the world. Got a call today in the morning at 10 from my boss asking me to be in the office by 10:15. I'm in the office with a hangover that could be the subject of a movie.

Life.

Of Rains and Planning (or lack thereof)

I have 3 days of dawas to go! I think on Thursday my local will have a welcome mat out for me, a T-shirt and perhaps even create a Digzer theme night! I do notice though that while I was away, the price of beer went up. Bummer. But as someone on radio said, there's little that can be done to keep the faithful drinker away from their drinkee of choice!

In other news, the rains are here and I swear I won't complain about getting drenched. I should have taken a 'before' picture of the Nairobi River for those of you who hadn't seen it recently, to get, well, a picture of how dire the situation has been. Birds, and I mean tiny ones and not stocks, were standing comfortably in the middle of the river sifting through the mud for grub. After the last few days' rain, there's water to speak of. You can actually hear the water flowing past. It's nowhere near it's former glory; a river rushing so wildly it was capable of drowning a full grown man, but with any hope it will get there.

I am saddened by the firm knowledge that our dear government (whose water ministry is presently embroiled in a scandal over stolen millions) will do absolutely nothing to try and capture, contain and conserve this water for future need. I mean, on yesterday's news they said that there were floods in Mandera (I kid you not) that were now leading to untold suffering for a community that was only last week suffering from the ravages of the drought.

God help Kenya.

37 day Warp

37 days. That was the verdict. 37 days.

Few steps back. I got food poisoning over the long weekend and the doc gave me the world of drugs. I hate hospitals. I hate doctors. But more than all that, I hate drugs. Always have, always will. The former 2 are hated for their tendancy to result in the need for the latter.

Anyway, that part I could have hacked, but it didn't end there. The world of drugs were to be taken over a period of 37 days. No alcohol allowed. How the hell does one go through 37 days without alcohol? What is one supposed to do? This is a genuine question. I'm on day 3 and getting tired of the tonic...

Likely to seek a second opinion!

The future is wireless? Please no!

Today was a day created by God to show me why we must resist technological advances and embrace human resources (even though they be civil servants!)

Get a call in the morning from work (I'm on leave studying for exams (hence the great increase of activity in the blogosphere)) and I urgently needed to access my email. So I plug in my Safcom thingamajing and I get an error message (Error 1717 ... like that should mean something to me ...) I try again and again only to realize that I don't have cash (Damn that Sauti Sol video that I played over and over yesterday!). So I load up with credit (thank you m-pesa inventor) and try again ... just to get the same error message. I call Customer Care 6 million and 15 times but it obviously doesn't go through (heck I'm only a customer .. why shoud it?). I try accessing the net on my phone to no avail. *sigh*

My mood clouded, I decide to go to town to pick a few things and get some cash. I go to the ATM machine to find it being serviced. So I walk off to another branch only to find an error message. I bid for time (impending exam weighing heavily on mind), buy stuff with the cash I had and go back to machine A only to find a &*%#@| error message! ("Wale watu walikuwa wanatengeneza walisema watarudi" the helpful watchman tells me)

I'm upset. I'm pressed for time. I'm hungry. I don't have money. (aaaaaaarrrgh!) Lucky for me I still had some m-pesa money on my phone so I withdrew some.

When I got home, I was releived to find that the net was up. Just now I'm surprised to find m-pesa is down.

Join me in throwing some device or other against a wall ...

Of Sauti and The Colour White

I absolutely love these guys and this song in particular. Wonder where I can get their CD ...



Unrelated matter: jana I got into a mat on my way to town. So the kange is calling for other guys to get in and this chick shows up dressed immaculately in white. She stands at a distance showing interest in boarding and the kange has to go to her to find out what her misgivings were. They chat shortly and she decides to board.

Chick-D saunters over to the mat and decides that she will seat upfront. She slowly opens her bag, as we all wonder what's going on, and removes a khoi khoi. She slowly unfolds it and proceeds to tie it around her waist before she boards the mat. The kange is besides himself in stitches and his pal starts asking kwani they don't wash the seats ...

Dress in white if you like. Cover yourself up before boarding public transportation if it tickles your fancy. But for heaven's sake don't hold the rest of us hostage for upwards of 10 minutes as you go about your shannanigans!

Of Old Professions and Street Etiquette

So I'm seated at home comfortably browsing the web instead of studying for my upcoming exams as I should be when I hear some commotion outside. I mute the TV to hear what's going on and I hear a woman claiming that she's being thuped by some jamaa. I peer out the window and find indeed that there's a jamaa and a chick on the ground outside all but exchanging blows. I'm in shock and for a moment my feminist side almost has me flying down the stairs (super woman to the rescue) but then I get to hear what the confrontation was all about.

The woman stands in the middle of the road, having disengeged herself from the dude, and with arms akimbo declares loudly enough for the people in Madagascar to hear, "Mimi ni malaya!" By now a crowd has started to gather and this does not phase her from going on "Na utanilipa! Umesha ni tomba na sasa ulipe!"

2 things. First, there are certain JD's that require a certain tenacity and strength of spirit to undertake. I've heard too many a story of what can go wrong in the oldest profession.

Second, the least you can do as a purchaser of certain services is pay for them. Would you walk into the NSE buy shares and refuse to pay?

As for those creating a disturbance in the hood, the guy took off (perhaps overcome with embarassment) and the damsel chased after him to declare his mis-deeds further afield and secure the Kshs. 1,800.00 she was owed.

And in other drastically unrelated news, there's an ad on TV for Rotavirus which is said to kill quite a number of kids annually. Wouldn't one think that a serious topic deserving a sombre mood? Well, the genious who got the contract to create the ad went ahead to give it a yellow and red background with pictures of kids and ... a chirpy instrumental version of 'yankee doodle'. Need I say more?

Of Standards and Campaigns

Today I bought the Standard Newspaper which I can't ordinarily read coz I wanted to get in touch with what's going on in the Pulse. The heading reads "Tight Race as ODM leads in Shinyalu". Below this is a table indicating interim results as showing that the ODM guy has approx 14,000 votes while the KADDU and PNU aspirants have a total of slightly over 9,000 votes. (Pause for effect) WTH is wrong with these people! In what planet would that be considered a 'tight race'!!! The story then goes on to state in the first line that 'ODM took a commanding lead in Shinyalu with 77 out of 80 polling stations counted' *sigh*

In other news I think that Safaricom is really trying with its 'niko na' campaign. Like the songs and ads. But I think they're really mean for giving their shareholders a no-frills AGM. Even a bamba 50 in lieu of umbrellas or lunch would have been appreciated.

Census? Really?

But seriously ... I get home early on Monday evening waiting to take part in the civic duty that doesn't involve standing in interminable queues or being robbed blind in the name of tax. I've sat pretty, scared of leaving the house too long lest they come while I'm out. I even went to bed late and got up early leo. Nothing. I chose to dash out to get something to eat and was dumbfoubded to find that some of my neighbours doors had chalk marks. I asked the watchie who tells me that the enumerators stopped at some 5 odd houses (out of 20) at around 7:30pm and left with a promise to return ... Hasn't happened.

Why would some houses be counted and not others? Sounds to me like a ploy to seat back and fill out statistics at a local bar ...

Have you been counted?

Project Fame ... Why?

Not to be political or unduly sinical, but I wonder, why would I queu up for an unmentionable number of hours waiting in line to get a chance to perform at TPF after having seen the non-starter performances of my would be predecessors?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's a great idea and that Eastern Africa has a lot of potential but is TPF geting the best? Perhaps they're just doing what they can.

Of World Wonders and Rodham

So jana after a hard day's work, I chose to go to one of my favourite pub's in town for a drink. I got to town and chose to walk up Moi Avenue on my way. He he he! It was like Kenya's Wonder of the World but with human beings instead of wilderbeest and narrow walk ways instead of a river! I don't get into the CBD much on weekdays so this really shocked me and I couldn't help but wonder where everyone was coming from now that they were all moving in one direction. (Anyone who's read Stephen King's Cell will know the creepy feeling I experienced). I felt like that fish that has to swim upstream (is it up a waterfall) before getting to the place where it must lay it's eggs and die. Note to self: must find a new pub.

On a totally unrelated matter, I must say Hillary Clinton has greatly surprised me with her down to earth comments about Kenya. She stole my heart when she said that the image that should be portrayed of Kenya is the fact that it is a good place to raise kids. This is an admission of the fact that foreign media does not do Kenya and this continent justice in their news reports. If only more could be done about that state of affairs other than a casual remark. Clinton gets a B+ from me for exceedng my expectations (well she is still american ...)