My Phone Gone

So my phone was stolen this weekend while at Psys. It was Saturday night and I was having a ball with a number of pals when somebody came up with the bright idea of forming a mugithi train (well at the time I thought it was bright). Always one for a little fun I joined in and all was great until I put my hand over the pocket of my jeans and realized that my phone was no longer there. I immedeatly knew that it was the guy behind me who had picked my pocket and I told him as such. He put on a long suffering face and accused me of having lost my marbles. I would have none of that. I roughed him into the loo and searched him (in the presence of 2 of my buddies (who would later say that I was last seen scuffling with some jamaa in the loos!!!)) but didn't find it. We called it and it wasn't on mteja yet. So I dashed out of the loo hoping to hear it ringing through the loud banter and music but tht was not to be.

So the thief guy comes after me saying something or other while waving his hands and then leaves. I was still not satisfied because I KNEW that the guy had stolen my phone. So I follow him out and see him put something in a car that drives off. I pretend to see the license plate number and nod while pointing at him as if to say 'I got you now'. I'm not too sure if I fooled him though coz I'd really have needed bionic vision to have been able to see that far. So he comes towards me daring me to bring it on & I go for back up.

The back up comes and I get all over his face telling him that he's a thief and that I'm taking him straight to the cops. And I mean all over his face with barely a centimeter between our noses. And lo and behold a crowd of about 10 not-so-nice looking guys materializes and they ask what we want with their boy. Being hyper-active (what with the pynts in the system and the safe knowledge I have back-up) I shout at them telling them the way their boy is a no-good-thief who were taking to the cops and blah-blah-blah. Luckily, part of my back-up notices that these guys look like they mean business and tells us to back off (I can't remember if I needed restraining) and the guys just walk away. As they leave I notice that one was holding the back of his pants like he might have had a gun and I quickly think 'He! My phone wasn't that expensive! If you want it that bad, you can certainly have it!'

So here I am phoneless. The story wouldn't be complete without my noting that I was in the club for a further 3 hours in the least and I got the DJ to play my choice of music by explaining to him that my phone had been stolen ... Making the best of a bad situation?

FA Cup Finals

So the FA Final's today. My team (Arsenal) is out so I don't really know who to cheer. As I'm not a hater, I think I'll cheer Chelsea since I don't think they've ever won... At least I can always run back & delete this post if things don't go my way! The virtues of technology!

Just A Thought - First Step

What do I hope to offer you that you haven’t been exposed to at least half a dozen times a day for a long, long time? What great new finding or idea do I propose to bring to the table? Well to be honest, none. I don’t believe myself a great thinker like the Socrates and Newton’s of this world. Then again in all fairness to those who lived in their time, there may well have been those who thought up the same philosophies and scientific notions before them but just never thought of putting them down on paper. And maybe that’s where we all go wrong. To have great thoughts and not act on them. It’s kind of like telling God “Thanks but no thanks. I don’t really want to be walking from place to place since I have a car, so you just take these legs and give them to someone else.” The fallacy of it all. And yet how often do we do exactly that.

Well excuse me you non-religious types. My reference to God was not meant to make of this piece Christian writing so just wait a minute before you turn elsewhere saying that this doesn’t concern you. (That’s another thing we all tend to do. Cluster ourselves into groupings where we feel safe and look for faults in those who don’t conform. I think the manifestation of this trait is directly proportional to the strength of one’s beliefs).

But I digress. Eager to use myself as an example, I point out that it’s taken me more than 4 years to write this simple piece. I don’t know how long it will take me to seek to get it published (but that’s a story for another day). 4 years is a mighty long time. And they say that if you don’t use it you lose it. How many of my brain cells, initially geared towards writing, have since died and been used to produce hair (which has since fallen off due to the numerous procedures I’ve tried on my head). How much more captivating (the assumption here is that it’s captivating at all) would this article have been, if I had done it when I first got the thought?

I am also eager to share the blame here since I’m sure I’m not alone. How many of the projects you wished to undertake have since become white elephants with truck loads (OK. Let’s stick to big-bag-full) of money pumped in, followed by a loss of interest or lack of zeal to see it through. How many great ideas have you had but let pass away as they’d have entailed too much work? It does not matter that the work involved sourcing for funds and you sat back pitying yourself for being poor Think about it. As for me, I’ve taken my first step.

Indonesia

Every once in a while I sit down and wonder: what did the Indonesians do to God? I don't mean this in an anti-christian (... or anti-indonesian for that matter) kind of way but ... really. This question on the collection of islands making up the country first dawned on me when in December 2004 (yes it was that far back) the famous Tsunami (which educated many of us on the existance of such phenomena) hit. It was truly heart wrenching to watch events unfold and tally the deaths as they were reported. Whereas many countries were affected, Indonesia was hardest hit.

That would probably have been enough basis for my question above, but wait there's more. In 2005, 2 earthquakes and a further tsunami hit the country causing untold suffering. In December 2006 there's a Boeing 737 plane that went missing, 2 ferrys sank and now, there are floods displacing hundreds of people. Keep these guys in your prayers.

Of Suspicions & Unworthy Lives

So they've gone & done it again! Forgive me but what the hell is wrong with the US? I'm ranting about the military intervention in Somali. What is wrong with these people? Does super power = super bully?

Not following my aruments huh? Where I come from is here. When I was much younger & watching CNN I heard about the US intervention in Iraq (Dessert storm) and heard countless stories of successful raids where a 'minimal' number of civilian casualties were reported (more often than not, the States claimed that the local reports on civillian death tolls were fabricated and over - exaggerated.) Then there was some strike in Afghanistan aimed at some Taliban/Al Quaeda base which instead hit some pharmacy. Even then, brave military faces stated that the attack had gone exactly as planned even though a 'few' civillians had died in the attack. This was when it first came to me that the reports were not totally honest and that the Americans did not have a great deal of respect for foreigners' lives.

So now they go to Somalia and through air missiles bomb some target where, hoorah, a suspected leader of an Al Quaeda Cell (suspected of masterminding the terrorist bombings in Kenya and Tanzania) is suspectedly killed. Please!!! And what was the price paid for this speculation? A 'few' civillian casualties; minimal price to pay for the 'possible' destruction of terrorists.

And they wonder why the war against terror is not being won? Wake up! I'd hate for the States to one day 'suspect' that my neighbour's a terrorist. It may lead to the total annihilation of my town. See what happened in Iraq over the suspected WMD's? I rest my case.

December

It's not my fault and no it's not yours either. No one can blame you. It's just the holidays. From the beginning of this month my mind has slowly been slipping into NO WORK gear. I get to work late and leave early without having all too much to show for the time in between. I blame it on
1) my employer who was so indescrete as to let it leak that we're closing the office on the 15th of Dec(Yipppeee!!) and on
2) my workmates who are always eager to go off for a drink.
Seriously, I think I deserve a medal for coming in at all!

I think in Kenya it hails from the long tradition that has been Fridays. The mind goes on autopilot at about 10am and most systems shut down at 12pm. If however you only work half-day (lucky &@#}/!) this process begins much earlier. So in this month, the overpowering feeling of lethargy slowly begins to consume you when you first sign a letter dated December and notice the ever increasing number of beer adverts and promotions.

Don't fight it ... just go with the flow!!!

Liftiquette

We all do it. All we city/town dwellers use elevators. It may be by necessity or sheer interest but its there. I, who use the contraption daily, have had to force my jaw shut and swallow many a not-so-friendly comment in my wake. Having been pushed, shoved and even propositioned to in a lift, I stopped and thought ‘Wait! This must end! Let’s lay down the law here!”. So here, in self-emancipation from my tormented journeys in lifts, I present to you my little list of Do’s & Don’ts for all lift users.

1. Thou shall not spoil the air/pass wind/fart
You don’t do it while your boss has called you into his office possibly to promote you. If catholic, you don’t do it in the confessional. This shows that those muscles in the nether region work. A good clench at the backside accompanied by careful body positioning will ensure that it doesn’t rip free to suffocate the unsuspecting and un-gas-mask-wielding mob locked with you within those tiny confines.

2. Thou shall give space to those exiting before moving in
It is not brain science. Until those people who are in, come out, there’ll be no space to move in to. It does not matter how much of a hurry you may be in. It doesn’t even matter that you are an important personality. Really. Stand back, let them out, and then go in.

3. Thou shall be considerate of others
You walk onto the ground floor, hear the bell announcing the arrival of an elevator, and immediately set off into an elbow-to-chest and foot-to-foot scramble to get in first, that would make any rugby coach proud. The people you found there were not on an educational tour organized by Otis Elevators to admire the wonderful opening and shutting mechanisms of the lift doors. Behave yourself.

4. Thou shall not push others in order to select a floor
So due to the matters raised in 2 and/or 3 above, you were the first person in and were pushed off to a remote corner. You now realize that you have to indicate where you wish to alight and the controls are at the front. Stop for a minute and consider. Is it really necessary for you bully and batter those around you to get to the front? You’d be surprised to learn that Kenyans are actually quite friendly people. If you just say “3 please,” audibly enough, your assured of a response.

5. Thou shall only push your way out as a last resort
This is closely linked to 4 above. A simple “Excuse me please” will generally have people making room for you to pass. Of course there are those die-hard characters who think that being polite is a preserve for those of Tanzanian decent, and feel no need to oblige. Try tapping this type on the shoulder and repeating the request. Where all else fails, the pushing and shoving will get you out!

6. Thou shall not engage in unwelcome romantic banter with strangers
Really, it’s happened to me. This guy decides I look like good wife material and tries to extract as much information from me as he can in the overly packed and otherwise quiet cubicle. The level of my embarrassment is indescribable. Not everyone is chatty-chatty in small spaces and very few people want to bear their souls (or listen to souls being borne to them for that matter) in a lift. Do us all a favour and find another way into the dating scene.

Poem - Discord

The weather very aptly describing how I feel
The rain pouring down, oblivious to all appeal
The silence quite deafening, the discord loud
And all this happening without a single sound

The distance, quite great, though invisible in fact
With all conversation cleverly aimed to distract
From the matter at hand, the longing to be one
So much to say but all left undone

How long will it last? What will it take?
When will they both realize what’s at stake?
Will everything be lost and the house of cards come down?
Will they become a memory in each other’s crown?

Politics Lollisticks!

COMMENTARY – POLITICS AND YOUR HEALTH

Does the countries political landscape ever make you sit back and wonder why you are Kenyan? Why you couldn’t have been born into some low key country where during elections you agonize over the wide array of amazing candidates full of potential who are willing to serve as opposed to such consideration as tribe, oranges and bananas or even pay? Well you’d be hard pressed to find such a country. Even the supposedly developed world suffers from the evil that is politics with leaders such as Tony Blair refusing to let go of power even though the writing’s on the wall and ex-leaders such as Bill Clinton pointing an accusing finger at George W. Bush’s administration for not doing enough to try and ‘kill him’. (Aside: I find it morally reprehensible for any non-extremist leader to stand up and say that they tried all they could to kill X, Y or Z. Really what message does that send to the children? If he’s bad enough kill him? No wonder there are terrorist students in American and other schools who go around shooting their classmates because their parents forced them to do their homework. And no they are neither called Ali nor Fatuma!)

The point is that politics is all about power. It’s a game where only the shrewdest survive. Hence all the alliances and bickering. You might sit in at a rally (or follow the same from the comfort of your home) and get all worked up against the speakers ‘Foe’. You might gnash your teeth with disgust at what the ‘Foe’ is meant to have done and even call for his immediate arrest/dismissal/deportation. Unbeknown to you, immediately after the rally, the speaker may be headed for a meeting with the supposed Foe for a drink.

“You really got me there,” Foe would laugh. “We’re hitting below the belt now are we? Watch out for the news tomorrow!”

“Oh dear friend,” Speaker would laugh. “You know how it is! I’ll just have to think up a scandal to counter yours!”

(Protracted laughter)

“So anyway, how is Mama Toto? You guys should really come over for tea sometime. It’s been really long …”

And there you are at your local burning with indignation at ‘Foe’s’ evil deeds. Getting ready to take part in a mass demonstration against Foe to achieve some purpose or other. Take a leaf from my book; don’t sweat the political small stuff. Refuse to be used as a pawn in anyone’s political mileage. You may die of an ulcer while the politicians continue acting their soap and earning their pay.

Bad day

What's the remedy to a bad day?

Ja Rule in the Country

So yesterday, as I was minding my own business on my way home, we chance upon a motorcade of Celtel vehicles & wonder what the hell? When we fika outside Hilton we find mob guys just chilling & that's when it hit us: Ja Rule. So with the rest of the curios Kenyans we hang out waiting for him to chuck. The man has a bodyguard the size of KICC. He just dwarfed these Kenyan pumped guys sent on the scene.

We wait around as they make their arrangements ... and finally he gets out of the car. I suck in a mouthful of air ready to scream and applaud but luckily hold myself back. Why you ask? There's an akward silence as the celebrity and crowd size each other up for a milisecond. Then the moment is lost as he dashes into the hotel. You should have heard the comments "yaani ni mfupi hivo?", "hiyo tu?", "hata mi nimlight kumliko!" I laughed all the way home. Kenyans will be Kenyans.

Test

This is some sort of trial. I've been unable to write anything here for sometime. Don't really know if it was Blogger or my terrbile internet connection. Well let's see.

Fat Cats

So now MP's hike their pay YET AGAIN. Whatever guise they give it, more money is just more money. But why should they lower their heads in shame? It's not money from their pockets. No sweat off their backs. They must go to their exlusive retreat spots and just laugh themselves silly. It's the easiest way to make money. Who needs Anglo-leasing when you can do things in a legitimate fashion.

Just try to remember all this the next time you're in a voting booth.

Attack on the Standard Group

Shock. Total and complete shock. That describes my reaction to today's going's on. A raid has been carried out at the Standard Newspaper and KTN-TV offices. And the worst part is that the raid was reportedly carried out by detectives from the Nairobi Provincial CID Headqarters. Should this be true, we would clearly be going back to such barbaric times as the days of the guillotine.

Should the raid have been carried out by another group, the situation would still be dark as attacks on the media are a stab at democracy.

Let us watch the story unfold.

January Tragedy

Today let’s consider the men and women who perished or were injured in the building that collapsed on 23.01.2006 in Nairobi. No really, just stop and think. Think of how it must feel like to be submerged in a thick layer of dust in the darkness not knowing whether anyone is coming to get you. Not able to tell how long you’ve been lying there or where exactly it hurts since you’re just awash with pain. Imagine floating in and out of consciousness with only the thought of your family to hold on to. Let’s give these brave people a face in our mind’s eye so that they don’t just become statistics.

We can’t think of the tragedy without giving big ups to the rescue workers who have been working non-stop to try and save lives. Special consideration is given to the Israelis who have come to assist us, again when we so desperately need their know how. Thanks.

We probably shouldn’t wait for the next building to collapse before we figure out how to tackle the situation.

If you live in Kenya today, you will slowly become aware of a new National Policy that is being effected in a slow calculating manner aimed at slowly infiltrating society. It's a move to stop Kenyans from drinking.

Think about it. It started with these 'kumi kumi' dens and we were all agreeable after watching tens of people die and go blind around the country. We applauded the police's effort to net the brewers and find their poisonous stock.

Next came a ban aimed at removing advertisements of alcoholic drinks within school vicinities. Again we didn't think much of it. A little harsh maybe, but hey we don't want our young ones influenced by alcohol. No. Let them study. Fine.

The next step wasn't as painless to many. It was the regulation that all alcoholic beverages must be sold in quantities of not less than 205 ml. With this saw the end of the famous sachets that had served many. People became disgruntled and complaints were heard from all corners. Another lot of people were totally unaffected by the move as they were used to the larger quantities anyway or were beer guzzlers.

So imagine their shock at the next blow! (Pardon the pun). The breathalyser (Alcoblow) comes to town. Now you hear the masses jumping up & down declaring the contraption illegal, an infringement of privacy, unconstitutional, useless and downright evil. Of course the non-driving crowd are somewhat un-affected. Or are they? A look at the Traffic Rules indicates that it is an offence to enter a public service vehicle while intoxicated. Where does that leave you? Can’t drive home, can’t take a cab. Local? Think again!

It’s now been stated that bars in residential areas won’t get permits. Can you say ‘bye bye local’?

My suggestions are:
a) drink in the house.
b) drink tea.

Affirmative Action

So what's the deal with affirmative action? Why does its very mention get bees stuck up people's bonnets?

Case in point: The other day I was having a discussion with a few friends about women Ministers in Tanzania. One was applauding President Jakaya Kikwete for including all of 5 women Ministers in his new Cabinet. I quickly argued that 5 out of the 94 Women Members of Parliament was hardly a cause for celebration. That's where the big debate on affirmative action came up with some contorting their faces in disgust at the whole concept.

I mean really! Think about it. You’re born in some poverty stricken semi-arid area. You trek long distances to school in the unbearable heat hoping they’ll give you food as there sure isn’t any at home. Such comforts as electricity and water are out of the question and you’re just happy with what you get. When you sit down to take your final exams, you are up against some other kid who researches for her homework on the internet … at home! She has 5 meals a day and engages in such extra-curricular activities as swimming and is an ace in the debate team.

Do you think the playing field is equal? May it maybe be necessary for you to try harder to achieve what she can? Is it unfair to lower the standards for you to bring the start line for the two of you to the same position?

Ok … Ok … I hear someone shout “But some have made it. Why can’t you?!” The truth is that we’re not all the same and some do excel even under the worst of circumstances. We have to take on the debate while looking at the average Joe. Yes 5 Tanzanian women MP’s have made it to ministerial positions. That’s 5 out of 31 ministers. You do the math. The world is skewed in such a way that a man has an easier time in the political scene. We need to tip the balance in the women’s favour to even things out. The same applies to men. How many male receptionists do you know? Hell, it’s only the other day that male nurses became acceptable to most of us!

So you see, affirmative action is not a bad thing so long as it is carried out within some time frame. Leaving it open ended would just amount to discrimination.

Alcoblow

The issue on my mind today is the Alco-blow or the Breathalyser as its known in some parts of the world. First off, I think that the person who invented it was quite sadistic. Ok maybe not to go that far since some pretty nasty accidents have been caused by drunk driving. I was actually in court once when an accused driver who had been arrested the day before on the charge of drunk driving was still too high to enter a plea. Imagine him driving the vehicle behind you!

My question is just is this country really ready for such a contraption? Consider the following:

Stumbling block 1
The first obvious stumbling block can be found in our dear brothers and sisters the law enforcers. I’m sure many from our dedicated police force had a merry Christmas due to their heavily greased palms. Think about it; where the fine is Kshs. 10,000.00 the bribe (and of course that is an option) has to be heftier than would otherwise be the position.

Stumbling block 2
The penalties on being found guilty are just crazy! Kshs. 10,000.00? Loss of license? Loss of car!? The punishment just does not fit the crime. Hear me out here. One of the raisons d’etre of a penalty is to deter people from committing crimes having learnt from what befell one who was not so wise. The effect of having a punishment that is too severe is that people will put more energy into not getting caught (see stumbling block 1 above) and less in following the proper path. This is clearly counter-productive.

Today I was talking to a guy who gave me all manner of ideas on how to get away with more than two and a half beers and still sit on the driver’s seat. People’s minds are churning.

Karibu

So this is my space. Cool.

You will get to read my ramblings and ideas and maybe one day, I'll be a Pulitzer prize winner coz of this blog. Cool.