My 2 Cents

Of Kids and Suicide

2012-01-07T09:08:00.003+03:00

I've had so much to write about in the past 6 months but life kept getting in the way. My apologies and let's see if we (read I) can't do better in 2012.

Anyhoo, let's start the new year, not by exchanging views on the Nancy Baraza fiasco but by pondering the sanctity of life. Everywhere I turn, I hear the story of primary school kids killing themselves. There are the 2 who chose to leave us as a result of their performance in KCPE and I swear I heard on news the other day the story of a boy who killed himself because his father refused to buy him new school shoes.

Pause. Ponder. My class 8 results were important to me. Really they were. But I must say they weren't that important. I hoped to do well but I also enjoyed playing shake with the other neighbourhood kids. What happened to the young? Remember the girl who killed herself coz her folks wouldn't let her go watch Shaggy in concert?

Where did society take that wrong turn?

Of harshness and e-shouts

2011-06-08T13:37:00.003+03:00

So apparently I'm harsh. There's a general consensus on that from all my pals. I'm dubbed 'Digzer the Harsh'. I figure that when a unanimous view is held amongst so many people, there must be pause to think ... Of course they must be wrong. What, me? I'm adorable. And funny. And great company!

Anyhoo, I was shouted down on email and don't really know how to react. When we're having a face to face discussion and voices are raised, I can ask you to relax and lower your tone. WHEN THE SHOUT COMES OUT LIKE THIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!??
!!!!!

??

.. it's a little more difficult to react. Does one write back and ask for the release of the shift key? Does one write back in red bold caps? Is it even proper to get e-offended?

Hmm ... Have a lower case day!

Of Incidents & Brakes

2011-04-13T14:15:00.004+03:00

So the other day I was driving happily on my way to work with not a care in the world. In fact, traffic was generally light and I was sure I was going to have a good day. I came to an intersection where I had the right of way and noticed the only car that may have tried to cross my path stop to wait for me to go by. I stepped on the gas to get to my destination faster and move out of the waiting car's way.

Someone once told me that when driving in Nairobi, assume that everyone else on the road is mad. I think that not even that assumption would have helped me on that day. From nowhere, a mat decides to overtake the waiting car and make a mad dash for the other side.

I couldn't beleive it. "You can't do that!" I remember screaming in my head. I was shocked. The space was too small for the mat to make it. I slammed down on my brakes... and sat watching helplessly as my car refused to stop.

I can't begin to explain the numerous thoughts that ran through my mind. The only thing that my brain registered was fear. Fear and the question why. Why the hell would the car refuse to stop!?

Not to make more of the story than it actually was, my car's bumper & front side 'kissed' the nissan's back side and we exchanged paint. The mat stopped a little distance away and my car also stopped 15cm away. I checked out the damage and figured I'd live. In reality, I was just too shaken to engage in an argument about who was at fault so I waved the mat off, everyone to take care of their own damage.

In retrospect, this incident was good as it brought out the fact that my car had a problem I hadn't previoously noticed. As food for thought, think twice next time you're about to jump in front of a car while crossing the street or strain to cut another car off on the assumption that it has brakes. You might just end up as surprised as the mat driver!

RIP Moshi & Guards

2011-03-23T08:29:00.003+03:00

So I read in yesterday's paper about Denis Omondi whose plan to party with friends ended tragically with his death. On being denied entry to the club which was full, they sought to gain access through an alternative route where they found a small window open. He creeped through, was met by the building's askaris who descended upon him with blows & kicks. His friends were seperated from him but could tell he was in trouble as he was lying motionless in a pool of blood. Their request to the guards to let them take Denis to hospital fell on deaf ears as the guards insisted that they had to wait for the police. It was about 3 hours later that they were allowed to leave with him (as the police went about arresting the guards) and take him to hospital. He died a week later at Nairobi Hospital.

Rewind to a few days ago when I heard Atwoli championing for the rights of guards to be armed. I'm sorry ... Are we talking about the same people? Have we not all had strange brushes with askaris? Should we not all be shouting in solidarity (forever) against the very notion that these guys should be armed? Haven't enough people suffered?

Have a safe day.

Thika Road Expansion Project = Hell!!!

2011-03-08T08:46:00.003+03:00

These road works which have been going on since the dinosaurs died (or were beamed to a parallel universe where they have great intellectual discourse) is driving me crazy! First there's the dust. I feel like a miner. Can I get workmen's compensation due to the dust inhalation? (apparently, the tax payer's money that was to be spent on the Ocampo 6 was to be considered under this very broad bracket). It get's so bad that if you stand in one spot for 15 minutes the dust they wash off you would be enough to germinate a seed in!

Then there's the traffic. Jana I was caught up in the black hole previously known as Forest Road for over an hour! And of course, Kenyans being Kenyans had figured out a way of creating 5 lanes that were miraculously meant to funnel into 1! And given that situation, everybody's an expert! "We nani! Rudi nyuma ndiyo tuingie!", "Si usonge mbele? Hii nafasi yote umewachia nani?!" "Kama hujui kuendesha si ungewathca gari home?!"

Then the roads change daily. That you've used one route in the morning is no surety that it will be there in the afternoon. It won't just be closed, it will have been dug out by those big machines. It will be up to you to figure out how to go where it is you were going, even taking a 10km detour to find yourself on the other end of the crater!

And pedestrians are not spared either. Other than the fact that you risk life and limb walking along for lack of a side walk of any kind to speak of, there are other hazards. My friend spent the night at her sister's place in Kasarani. In the morning when she left, she couldn't find a bus stop!

Have an orderly day won't you!!

Of Billboards & a Boob

2011-02-16T14:12:00.003+03:00

So the other day on my way home, I was looking at the scenery from my window when I looked up. Lo and behold i realised that I was staring at a breast. Yes you read right; a boob!

It's a billboard advertising a mattress that's meant to be extra comfortable. It sports a couple in bed and the chick (who just so happens to be nearer the camera) has let the sheets slip to slightly above her waist (presumably due to the intensity of the comfort) and there is her boob for all to see. Yes it is clad but it's a breast all the same.

I guess that's progress Kenyan style!

Of Roads and Insight

2011-01-20T08:28:00.003+03:00

I think being a Kenyan is very entertaining. Minding my own business listening to the radio on my way to work this morning, I started laughing so hard that other road users were puzzled. And no it was Kingangi & Maina. It was the news.

To give this news segment some background: you all know about the numerous road expansion projects that are underway in the country. You've probably also heard the way a bunch of investor/landowners on Mombasa Road, lead by the Standard Group, are crying foul claiming that the proposed expansion of the road into their property was nothing more than a ploy to frustrate them reading mischief from the government. Their complaint may sound a little far fetched but consider the amounts of money they must have sank into their investments, only for the government to belatedly come and say "nice building and all, but we want that land"!

Anyhoo, what had me in stitches was the comment by Orengo the Lands Mininster. Apparently, according to him, there was indeed some mischief because these guys own large pieces of land and yet chose to construct on the very edge that's nearest the road! According to him, they were the authors of their own misfortune and in fact had been trying to set up the government to look bad.

I hope that one day when the earth has been reduced to smitherins by annoyed Mother Nature and all of humanity wiped out, the intelligent life form that will scavage through the reckage will not come upon that pearl of wisdom and gauge the human intelligence therefrom.

Have a sharp day!!!

The Unstoppable Rush

2011-01-06T19:30:00.004+03:00

I'm on leave (yeah don't you wish you were me) so I spent my evening watching the movie "Unstopabble". I must say that it's been a mighty long time since I watched a movie that kept me on the edge of my seat. It's just something else!

Speaking in very broad terms, the movie's about a runnaway train loaded with diesel and highly flamable chemicals that hurtles forth at great speed. The question on everyone's mind is how to stop it and avert the iminent disaster. Enter (the ever good looking) Denzel & Chris Pine; two guys who happen to be there at the right time with an idea. Can it possibly work?

Unfortunately, there is a downside. For all the great acting, there are some characters who should never have been given their parts. Either that or there were some flaws in the script. The perfect example is the kid playing Pine's son. He shows absolutely zero emotion throughout the whole movie save for the absolute end. He is not surprised that his dad's on tele, doesn't wonder why there's a mad rush, isn't startled by the speeding train ... Something wrong here? Why not just used a cardboard cut out? Then there are Denzel's daughters. Instead of being concerned about their dad's well being, they seem to be cheering him to pull stunts that no man of his age (or yours) can pull. Not normal.

Other than that, it's a really great film that I would encourage all to see.

Of Seeing and the Point

2011-01-04T18:46:00.001+03:00

So the good news is I have 20:20 vision. My eyes are great! The bad news is I have great eyes with 20:20 vision. Indulge me as I explain:

I recently noticed that I have great trouble driving at night. The glares from the other cars going in the opposite direction make me slow down to a crawl as I wait for them to pass. (And if you’re the wise guy who drives with full lights, I do hope that you make enough money to buy your own private island where that’s OK …) I figured that short of tinting my windshield, which I learnt was against the law, I have the option of getting spects that would not only sort out the lights by night they’d also help me deal with the sun by day. Great! I happily went to the optician who told me that they had just what I was looking for, complete with the local or imported variety depending on the depth of my pocket.

“Oh, I have insurance,” I said in a very self assured tone. I thank God that I have very few medical needs so I don’t often make use of my employer’s medical cover.

“You do?” the attendant asked seeming a little concerned. “Who is your insurer?”

“Company X,” I say beginning to get bored with the conversation and eager to try on the exciting looking frames.

“Ah,” he says in a deflated tone.

“What’s the problem?” I ask, my interest reignited.

“Well, you see, X will only pay for the lenses if you have a prescription. We did the eye test and your eyes are fine, so you’d need to consider alternative means of footing the bill.” He explained. I could tell that this was an explanation he’d given out many times before.

What annoys me is the fact that if I keep driving as I am, I will either ruin my eyes (at which point the insurance will gladly step in) or cause a grisly accident costing the insurer so much more. Is that reasoning not flawed? Am I the only one that sees a problem?

So here I am forced to fork out money for what my employer has ideally already paid for. Great!

Have a fair January!

The Close of 2010

2011-01-04T08:26:00.003+03:00

Belated season's greetings & wishing you the best in 2011.

I for one cannot tell you how happy I am to see the end of December. Explanation: my pal, a winter bunny, was around after having been out of the country for more than a decade. We took it upon ourselves to show her the Nairobi night life. Heh! Kenyans can really party! We did the bend-overs the Jazzes (Tuesday & Sunday) the Kidums (though he was a no show) and just about everything else save Monday Reggea as we did need a day of rest. I got home on many a 6am's and can now confidently say I'm too old for this shit (refer to one of the episodes of How I Met Your Mother - season 4).

My short term (and perhaps circumstantial) resolution for the new year is not to spend a shilling on alcohol in January ...

Tech Help

2010-12-17T17:12:00.004+03:00

I have a problem. I'd joined KBW some time back and have noticed that we're no longer doing the ring surf thing anymore and there are these cool-ish badges that one's meant to put on their site. Question is, how is this done?

I've been to the www.kenyaunlimited.com site countless times but just can't seem to get it to work. I've tried copy-pasting the link as instructed but am clearly technologicaly challenged. Any help from the more techie savvy out there?

Cheers!

Of Dreams Best Not Caught

2010-12-03T13:33:00.004+03:00

You know they say that your dreams are a form of window into your psyche that can really help you figure out what's going on in your life. Like if you dream of shoes that's a dream world metaphor for your love life, so if your dream shoes are stuck in mud, that's where your subconscious feels your love life stands. (See example here on interpretations)

I beg to differ. I have always had the strangest of dreams. Today I'm Rambo/Jack Bauer fighting off terrorists and bad guys and tomorrow my boss is giving me advice on a matter that has never come up. I mean, the other day I wasn't even in my dream. I was watching it in much the way you'd watch a movie. It was about vampires and I even had to snooze my alarm to find out what happens next. It would have been good material for a book though. If dreams are really meant to tell you stuff about yourself then I'm in trouble!

What are your dreams like?

Smurfs!!

2010-11-25T13:57:00.001+03:00

Na si this has taken me way back!!!

Party for Books

2010-11-05T08:56:00.003+03:00

I attended the above function yesterday and although I must say it wasn't what I initially had in mind (coz the dark bar with nyamchom servings was a far cry from the cozy pink poster), I think the idea is exceptional. I recently commented on a blog about the importance of cultivating a reading culture in children from an early age. Well truth be told, there are many who would like to but just don't have access to books. The books collected at the above drive were just the odd story books people had lying around their homes. Not text books or inspirational books but just stories to capture the young onnes imaginations.

I think it was a great idea and wish the young lady behind it all, great success in the campaign. You have my support 110%!!

Sluggish

2010-10-18T17:06:00.003+03:00

I've already been through my quarter-life crises (emerging successfully at the other end) and I'm too young to be going through my mid-life crises so I will settle for a denominator of 3. I'm going through my third life crises. Food isn't as tasty, the colours aren't so bright and things just generally seem dull. I go to work everyday with reducing passion and even the thought of going to my local is tiring. There are a few flashes of excitement here and there and every once in a while somthing has me in stitches but it's not the usual me. If I were brighter then (oh the blissful ignorance of youth!) I would have kept a log of what I did to surmount the feeling of lethargy that comes with these crisi (? either that or crises'). As I am too lazy, I will not now manage the energy to keep a log for when the mid one hits.

Yeah well!

In a totally unrelated matter, here's an article I stumbled across online. Strange. Question is, how do you ensure your husband gets the choice parts?

Bon apetit

2010-10-15T14:03:00.004+03:00

Leo I went for lunch at some dingy nyama joint in Kangemi. You know the sort: small, smoky, uses makaa/firewood to cook, 95.89% of the clientelle are jamaas (those places have the best meat in the world). The writing on the wall (which is not meant as a figure of speech had such choice snippets as
"Dan the hotel chef is a champion cook and also the coach of Chelsea";
"Wawesh wa stima is also brother to Fabrigas, Ruto, Uhuru, etc";
"There are those who eat very little but make the most noise like ... (followed by a litany of names)";
"For Customa Care call 07..."

Have an entertaining and well fed weekend.

Kenya -vs- Uganda

2010-10-11T13:59:00.003+03:00

The Uganda Cranes & Harambee Stars met this weekend in what all expected to be a memorable clash. The Ugandans showed their solidarity for their team and travelled in huge numbers by all means possible including those great red Kampala Coaches. I was excited. My previous plans of going out of town were cancelled by The Hangover I had so I decided to at least settle down and watch the game, cheering from a distance as I was sure 3/4 of Kenya would (the other 1/4 being at the stadium). Promptly at 4pm I was seated at a bar in Westi ready to watch the unfolding action. What? Sorry? I mustn't have heard you right, are you saying it's not being televised on DSTV? That DSTV are showing some random Tanzanian game?(no offence (picked that from a Heartstrings Play I watched on Sunday)) These South Africans are terrible ... well OK, let's just watch it on Citizen or NTV. Now you must be joking. We're sure our athletes will do great but right now we want to watch the match! KBC? No? But wait ... stop ... read right there .. it says at the bottom that we can catch the match live on KBC Idhaa ya Taifa. WHAT?! That's KBC Radio?! (Choice expletives censored due to age range of audience)

How is it that I cannot watch my country play against a neighbouring country while the match unfolds in my own back yard!? Even those who bought VIP tickets like my pal were locked out! Shame shame. There was even a Ugandan guy on news who said that he'd bought VIP tickets and travelled for 2 days to watch the match only to be locked out. Shame shame!

I went back home and came to know of the score from TV when the daft radio presenter (not KBC but some other station) kept repeating "Kenya haijashinda" (refer to choice expletives above!)

Of Articles on Single Women

2010-09-20T08:33:00.002+03:00

Of late, reading magazines has got me wondering. I am single and of marriageable age and I find that absolutely every column I pick up is talking about what I should be doing to bag myself a man, or what I’m doing wrong. For crying out loud, even the fitness sections seem to emphasize that getting in shape is the best way to Meet Mr. Right! I think I’m starting to take offence.

The worst thing that could have happened to women of my ilk seems to be the visit of a Pastor Chris O-something from Nigeria. Now the columnists are assured that they are on to something and they have fodder for X to power n number of articles on single women and their apparently interminable quest for husbands. They no longer need to go out of their way to spin out an article of social interest.

Is it so unimaginable that there may be other things that interest us? Is there really nothing else to talk about? Are we really defined by men all our lives such that the second we stop being considered Daddy’s girl, the single ones are defined by the men they don’t have?

Could we have articles that think outside this recent and unimaginative box?

Men:Women

2010-09-01T08:58:00.002+03:00

The results are in! There are 19,192,458 males in this country (less a pal of mine who tells me that he and his chicken weren't counted) and 19,417,639 females. That means the the ratio is almost 50:50 ...

I'm just saying ...

The Bad Seed

2010-07-26T13:57:00.003+03:00

My ex-landlady had a baby from hell. This baby girl was 2 and manipulative in ways that would have made Cruela Devil blush! She even had the knowing look she'd throw your way when she got what she wanted against your better judgement; hidden of course from the sight of the person who gave her her way. (If you ever watched the Tazmanian Devil, the kid was remniscent of that evil cat Taz would battle with)

This had me thinking today. What if you find yourself in a relationship with a person who has children from a previous relationship? That's bad enough and a big responsibility yeah? Well, what if their kid is the Bad Seed? What if your tempted to comb through their scalp with a fine tooth comb in search of the mark of the beast? What if the kid is Chuckie? Do you stay or do you go?

Just a thought.

Coast the 24 hour City Under the Sun

2010-07-20T12:09:00.004+03:00

Was down at the Coast this weekend & it was really great! Coasto is probably the only place in this country where you can eat a meal from a roadside duka at 10pm (with no ill effects on the tummy), walk over to a rave joint at that hour and club hop on mats 'till your hotel at whatever hour of the a.m.! Niiiice! It's more likely to hit the 24 hour economy we've been hearing so much about than Nairobbery. Kudos on Nakumatt for trying but I wonder how much night time activity they see that's not linked to young guys buying booze at RRP to drink in their parking lots!

Have a 24-hour-thinking day!

The World Cup is here - Yippeeee!

2010-06-17T08:44:00.006+03:00

I absolutely love & adore the World Cup. My life is lived in 4 year increments from World Cup to World Cup ... as though I'd been born on Feb 29th. I am having a ball (pun intended!)

It must be said that my favourite goal of the games so far was that of Maicon in the Brazil - North Korea match. The guy kicked it in from such an impossible angle, I was actually seating back waiting for the goal kick, only to notice the celebration. Kudos.

The season has been relatively goal-less; a situation that has been blamed on the Jabulani (the ball) which has been stated as baing too light. At first, I thought this was a whole lot of rubbish from sore losers until I came to realise that 3/4 of the crosses aren't finding their marks (and actually end up way too far on the other side of the field) and also noticed that a number of shots on goal end up above the bar. There must be something with that ball. A near miss by Adidas?

My team (after all African teams (which seem to be putting all they have behind attaining an early exit from the games))is France. They've had a most lack lustre performance but let's watch and see. It's like I was saying about SA jana, if they're loosing, they may as well do so, so we can concentrate our cheers on more deserving teams!

Of Office Policies & Riots

2010-05-19T08:12:00.004+03:00

The office has a new internet policy that blocks facebook & other social networks and even yahoo mail & blogger while allowing MSN & yahoo chat ... yeah, go figure

I have come to think that campusarians are evil. It's really not my fault that you had troubled elections. I work in Westi and going home has been such a headache of late, what with the rains coupled with the riots! I'm glad the Campus is closed and hope you get to go home and think about what you've done. The worst of it all (as I remember from my Campus days) is that it's less than 10% of the Students who engage in the violent misbehaviour I've seen reported on news but 100% who are blamed for it. Guess such is life.

Israel jails man for 'holy semen' sex abuse

2010-04-27T14:10:00.003+03:00

Well, this is probably not the funniest story on earth ... probably not funny at all when you really think about it, but I honestly can't help but smile. How? How really? "My semen is holy and will cure the cancer" ... "If you touch me, you will be healed" ... "The sent of me takes away all evil" Come on!!

So brings the question, are we just so eager to beleive anything that's put on the table by supposed 'Holy Men'? Do we lap up all that's supposedly 'prophecied'? Are the Finger of God saga and this psycho that far away from the Waco disaster? Why do we find it so hard to find God we jump at all that's availed.

Makmende

2010-03-21T22:51:00.003+03:00

This guy has become a Kenyan phenomena over the span of little more than 48 hours. Who is he? Rewind .... play: Just a band - a really great and different Kenyan group, recently released the video to Ha-He, one of the best songs in their album '82'. (Watch it below) The protagonist of the video is Makmende, Kenya's self styled Jack Bauer straight from the 70's. After the release of the video, Makmende developed a following of his own quite seperate from the group and video, and he is everywhere! Facebook, Twitter, Mashada; there's now even a Makmende site.

This goes to show that Kenyan creativity is something to reckon with. These sites have been keeping me in stitches all weekend long!

Yahoo doesn't think you should be single ...

2010-03-07T11:07:00.004+03:00

Well I am single and don't have much beef with that and all is well with the world. Well, at least it was, until I was requested to re-activate one of my dormant yahoo accounts. No big deal huh? I didn't think it would be either. Until I saw that they require me to input 2 secret quesions that only I would have the answers to. The options?
-Where did you go on honeymoon?
-What's your oldest/last born's nickname?
-Where did you meet your spouse?
-What is the last name of your maid of honour/best man at your wedding?

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey! Come on now!

Of the 'Cost' of Silver

2010-03-06T20:35:00.002+03:00

So leo I was in town. And as always, minding my own business. I've recently been stung by a jewelry bug and was out looking for a pretty silver ring. At this juncture I must pause and state that this country is no longer our own. You and I are not expeced to have enough money in our pockets to buy more than the dollar-a-day basics. This realization hit me like a slap on the face. Fine, I was dressed casually in top, jacket and jeans but that should be no reason for the feedback I was getting.

The first guy was polite enough but wasn't bothered to get his nose out of the paper he was reading and only gave me half grunts in response to my queries. When I required to see a ring, which meant his getting his ass off the chair, I heard an audible sigh and the heavy shuffling of feet and was all but too aware of the fact that he felt that I was wasting his time. I didn't let him get dissapointed on that and left without buying a thing.

The next place I went to had a mama who begun, upon hearing my query, by announcing that their rings cost x/= (which I felt was rather low) ... those ones of don't bother me about them if you can't afford them. When I insisted on seeing them, she reluctantly brought out a collection of (rather plain) rings and it was all that she could do to keep herself from forcefully ejectig me from the premises.

What to do. I liked one of the rings I saw in the first place so I guess I'll have to undergo a bit more of the same. Najivunia ...

Of New Years, Old Bars and Karaoke

2010-01-20T13:43:00.003+03:00

So, the other day I was minding my own business having gone to my local for a couple of drinks after a bad day. As the evening progressed, I noticed the owner of the bar and thought I'd have a word with him about the quality of their karaoke.

Pause to give background: I love karaoke. To me it's the best thing since Big G chewing gum. I've been known to fraternize joints solely on their Karaoke days and disown them immediately after karaoke is shelved. So this bar's karaoke night was one of it's appeals. Well anyway, they moved their karaoke night from Wednesday to Tuesday and got rid of the guy who used to facilitate the karaoke, replacing him with a new chick.

The first Tuesday I unsuspectingly attended the New and Improved Tuesday Karaoke (with powerfoam plus), I was in shock. I was greeted by a chick, who sung beautifully, but could not do much else! The woman gave us a 10 minute lecture in screeched tones amplified by a mic, on the importance of clapping for all performers at a karaoke event regardless of the quality of their skill. She said she was in charge and we may as well put up with it. She said that if we don't like it, we might as well leave. And leave I did. Nobody gives me a dressing down at a place I am paying to be. I am not prone to headaches, but that day I got one. I now understand what people mean when they refer to nagging wives. If she were married, I'd changa for her hubby's divorce lawyer's fees. Roho safi.

Well, back to our story, on that day, I noticed the owner of the bar and approached him seekng that he ask the chick to tone down and be friendlier. Lo and behold, the idiot owner gave me a dressing down (in a tone likely to suggest that my opinion was worth to him little more than the bible to an atheist) saying that the chick had caused a rise in their sales on Tuesday (yeah ... she invites her friends ..) and that he was very happy with her. Surprised and dumbfounded, I shook my head and left. Let's see how purported increase sales last!

I'd have been happy to add that I've not been back since, but that woulndn't be true. I love that club if not its owners & singers ... But I've definately not been back on a Tuesday!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-05T20:56:00.002+03:00

Happy New Year Blogosphere! The year of the World Cup!!! Need I say more?!

The festivities around the 31st were great. I had a ball.

Immediately after that, I was recalled from leave, have been having the worst cold of the year, and found myself in the middle of the Matatu strike (asi!)

Anyway, I choose to look at the half empty glass as half full (still trying) :)

Hope you embrace your 2010.

Aaaaaagh!

2009-12-04T11:57:00.003+03:00

I'm on leave. Was on leave yesterday and today. Yesterday I drank myself silly very happily without a care in the world. Got a call today in the morning at 10 from my boss asking me to be in the office by 10:15. I'm in the office with a hangover that could be the subject of a movie.

Life.

Of Rains and Planning (or lack thereof)

2009-10-18T10:54:00.003+03:00

I have 3 days of dawas to go! I think on Thursday my local will have a welcome mat out for me, a T-shirt and perhaps even create a Digzer theme night! I do notice though that while I was away, the price of beer went up. Bummer. But as someone on radio said, there's little that can be done to keep the faithful drinker away from their drinkee of choice!

In other news, the rains are here and I swear I won't complain about getting drenched. I should have taken a 'before' picture of the Nairobi River for those of you who hadn't seen it recently, to get, well, a picture of how dire the situation has been. Birds, and I mean tiny ones and not stocks, were standing comfortably in the middle of the river sifting through the mud for grub. After the last few days' rain, there's water to speak of. You can actually hear the water flowing past. It's nowhere near it's former glory; a river rushing so wildly it was capable of drowning a full grown man, but with any hope it will get there.

I am saddened by the firm knowledge that our dear government (whose water ministry is presently embroiled in a scandal over stolen millions) will do absolutely nothing to try and capture, contain and conserve this water for future need. I mean, on yesterday's news they said that there were floods in Mandera (I kid you not) that were now leading to untold suffering for a community that was only last week suffering from the ravages of the drought.

God help Kenya.

37 day Warp

2009-09-26T13:19:00.003+03:00

37 days. That was the verdict. 37 days.

Few steps back. I got food poisoning over the long weekend and the doc gave me the world of drugs. I hate hospitals. I hate doctors. But more than all that, I hate drugs. Always have, always will. The former 2 are hated for their tendancy to result in the need for the latter.

Anyway, that part I could have hacked, but it didn't end there. The world of drugs were to be taken over a period of 37 days. No alcohol allowed. How the hell does one go through 37 days without alcohol? What is one supposed to do? This is a genuine question. I'm on day 3 and getting tired of the tonic...

Likely to seek a second opinion!

The future is wireless? Please no!

2009-09-07T22:00:00.003+03:00

Today was a day created by God to show me why we must resist technological advances and embrace human resources (even though they be civil servants!)

Get a call in the morning from work (I'm on leave studying for exams (hence the great increase of activity in the blogosphere)) and I urgently needed to access my email. So I plug in my Safcom thingamajing and I get an error message (Error 1717 ... like that should mean something to me ...) I try again and again only to realize that I don't have cash (Damn that Sauti Sol video that I played over and over yesterday!). So I load up with credit (thank you m-pesa inventor) and try again ... just to get the same error message. I call Customer Care 6 million and 15 times but it obviously doesn't go through (heck I'm only a customer .. why shoud it?). I try accessing the net on my phone to no avail. *sigh*

My mood clouded, I decide to go to town to pick a few things and get some cash. I go to the ATM machine to find it being serviced. So I walk off to another branch only to find an error message. I bid for time (impending exam weighing heavily on mind), buy stuff with the cash I had and go back to machine A only to find a &*%#@| error message! ("Wale watu walikuwa wanatengeneza walisema watarudi" the helpful watchman tells me)

I'm upset. I'm pressed for time. I'm hungry. I don't have money. (aaaaaaarrrgh!) Lucky for me I still had some m-pesa money on my phone so I withdrew some.

When I got home, I was releived to find that the net was up. Just now I'm surprised to find m-pesa is down.

Join me in throwing some device or other against a wall ...

Of Sauti and The Colour White

2009-09-06T09:14:00.004+03:00

I absolutely love these guys and this song in particular. Wonder where I can get their CD ...

Unrelated matter: jana I got into a mat on my way to town. So the kange is calling for other guys to get in and this chick shows up dressed immaculately in white. She stands at a distance showing interest in boarding and the kange has to go to her to find out what her misgivings were. They chat shortly and she decides to board.

Chick-D saunters over to the mat and decides that she will seat upfront. She slowly opens her bag, as we all wonder what's going on, and removes a khoi khoi. She slowly unfolds it and proceeds to tie it around her waist before she boards the mat. The kange is besides himself in stitches and his pal starts asking kwani they don't wash the seats ...

Dress in white if you like. Cover yourself up before boarding public transportation if it tickles your fancy. But for heaven's sake don't hold the rest of us hostage for upwards of 10 minutes as you go about your shannanigans!

Of Old Professions and Street Etiquette

2009-09-04T23:29:00.007+03:00

So I'm seated at home comfortably browsing the web instead of studying for my upcoming exams as I should be when I hear some commotion outside. I mute the TV to hear what's going on and I hear a woman claiming that she's being thuped by some jamaa. I peer out the window and find indeed that there's a jamaa and a chick on the ground outside all but exchanging blows. I'm in shock and for a moment my feminist side almost has me flying down the stairs (super woman to the rescue) but then I get to hear what the confrontation was all about.

The woman stands in the middle of the road, having disengeged herself from the dude, and with arms akimbo declares loudly enough for the people in Madagascar to hear, "Mimi ni malaya!" By now a crowd has started to gather and this does not phase her from going on "Na utanilipa! Umesha ni tomba na sasa ulipe!"

2 things. First, there are certain JD's that require a certain tenacity and strength of spirit to undertake. I've heard too many a story of what can go wrong in the oldest profession.

Second, the least you can do as a purchaser of certain services is pay for them. Would you walk into the NSE buy shares and refuse to pay?

As for those creating a disturbance in the hood, the guy took off (perhaps overcome with embarassment) and the damsel chased after him to declare his mis-deeds further afield and secure the Kshs. 1,800.00 she was owed.

And in other drastically unrelated news, there's an ad on TV for Rotavirus which is said to kill quite a number of kids annually. Wouldn't one think that a serious topic deserving a sombre mood? Well, the genious who got the contract to create the ad went ahead to give it a yellow and red background with pictures of kids and ... a chirpy instrumental version of 'yankee doodle'. Need I say more?

Of Standards and Campaigns

2009-08-28T08:37:00.005+03:00

Today I bought the Standard Newspaper which I can't ordinarily read coz I wanted to get in touch with what's going on in the Pulse. The heading reads "Tight Race as ODM leads in Shinyalu". Below this is a table indicating interim results as showing that the ODM guy has approx 14,000 votes while the KADDU and PNU aspirants have a total of slightly over 9,000 votes. (Pause for effect) WTH is wrong with these people! In what planet would that be considered a 'tight race'!!! The story then goes on to state in the first line that 'ODM took a commanding lead in Shinyalu with 77 out of 80 polling stations counted' *sigh*

In other news I think that Safaricom is really trying with its 'niko na' campaign. Like the songs and ads. But I think they're really mean for giving their shareholders a no-frills AGM. Even a bamba 50 in lieu of umbrellas or lunch would have been appreciated.

Census? Really?

2009-08-25T21:26:00.004+03:00

But seriously ... I get home early on Monday evening waiting to take part in the civic duty that doesn't involve standing in interminable queues or being robbed blind in the name of tax. I've sat pretty, scared of leaving the house too long lest they come while I'm out. I even went to bed late and got up early leo. Nothing. I chose to dash out to get something to eat and was dumbfoubded to find that some of my neighbours doors had chalk marks. I asked the watchie who tells me that the enumerators stopped at some 5 odd houses (out of 20) at around 7:30pm and left with a promise to return ... Hasn't happened.

Why would some houses be counted and not others? Sounds to me like a ploy to seat back and fill out statistics at a local bar ...

Have you been counted?

Project Fame ... Why?

2009-08-19T13:24:00.002+03:00

Not to be political or unduly sinical, but I wonder, why would I queu up for an unmentionable number of hours waiting in line to get a chance to perform at TPF after having seen the non-starter performances of my would be predecessors?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's a great idea and that Eastern Africa has a lot of potential but is TPF geting the best? Perhaps they're just doing what they can.

Of World Wonders and Rodham

2009-08-07T08:13:00.005+03:00

So jana after a hard day's work, I chose to go to one of my favourite pub's in town for a drink. I got to town and chose to walk up Moi Avenue on my way. He he he! It was like Kenya's Wonder of the World but with human beings instead of wilderbeest and narrow walk ways instead of a river! I don't get into the CBD much on weekdays so this really shocked me and I couldn't help but wonder where everyone was coming from now that they were all moving in one direction. (Anyone who's read Stephen King's Cell will know the creepy feeling I experienced). I felt like that fish that has to swim upstream (is it up a waterfall) before getting to the place where it must lay it's eggs and die. Note to self: must find a new pub.

On a totally unrelated matter, I must say Hillary Clinton has greatly surprised me with her down to earth comments about Kenya. She stole my heart when she said that the image that should be portrayed of Kenya is the fact that it is a good place to raise kids. This is an admission of the fact that foreign media does not do Kenya and this continent justice in their news reports. If only more could be done about that state of affairs other than a casual remark. Clinton gets a B+ from me for exceedng my expectations (well she is still american ...)

Of Love Docs Gone Hostile

2009-08-05T08:23:00.004+03:00

So janaa as I wound up my evening listening to radio I happened to tune in to Capital FM where there was a presenter 'B', whose show was aimed at bringing those who've split back together. So how it works is you call/text in, give your love woes and the number of the person causing them and B will call him/her for you and play love doctor.

So a young lady sends a text expressing how she had a good thing going with Dude X for 6 months and now he doesn't return her calls. She wanted to know what had cut. B calls Dude X who, (in what I considered unnecessarily harsh manner) tells the world that he was just being kind to chick-d who had lost the spark of interest that had drawn him to her. In short, he said (in moer words than necessary) that she was boring. It would all have been fine if the story had ended there, but B proceeded to tell Dude X that he sounds very charming and she would be interested in giving him a shot herself ... She actually told him to stay on the line so they could have a chat off air. How, I ask, how does your love doctor try to slice you! That's a first!

Retail Therapy

2009-08-04T14:10:00.002+03:00

I'd been feeling a little down the whole of today, and this had slightly more to do than with just the weather (que depressing song to sad story that's not told ...). I decided to step out for some retail therapy and found me the prettiest shoes (that I'll certainly have on tommorrow). I'm smiling from ear to ear and even the weather has improved.

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

Of Manholes and Covers

2009-07-29T13:42:00.003+03:00

In my walks around the city, it has recently come to my attention that quite a number of manhole covers are being removed. There's a time I actually witnessed some guys do the removing at noon or thereabouts in an estate, but we all assumed it was the Council doing its best to unblock the clogged drains. Its only after about a month when the clogging hadn't been sorted out and the cover hadn't come back that we smelt a rat ...

Today, on my way to work, I was shocked to find a gaping hole on what I had all along assumed to be a part of the road. Seems that these guys either walk around with the City's sewer plans or have a nose for smelling these things out ...

Anyhoo, it reminded me of the tale of 2 pals of mine who'd been walking on a rainy evening through the CBD. They'd been in deep conversation when one of then suddenly realized that she was talking to herself. She looks sideways to try and see where the other has gone but doesn't see her. It isn't until she looks down that she finds that the other had stepped into a water covered manhole (thinking it was just a puddle) and was at great pains trying to extricate herself from it. It's all friend No. 1 could do to stop laughing and assist. The mental image always gives me a chukle.

Have a manhole free day won't you!

Of Couples and Gloomy Mornings

2009-07-23T08:30:00.003+03:00

So today morning as I went about my usual walk I noticed a female driven Vitz zoom past me and stop at an intersection. The passenger side door was thrown open and before it begun to swing back from the force a good looking young fellow in a smart suit stormed out and slammed the door behind him. The lady promptly zoomed off. Those of us who happened to have witnessed it looked on after him as he stomped off to get into a mat.

This made me think of the couples I see driving together in the morning. If you ever look at them, you will notice that 99.999999% of them don't talk. Not only do they not talk but they look as though they are a hair's breadth away from re-enacting the above scene. What's up with our couples. What do they do to each other in the morning after a night of snuggling close amid other activities? Perhaps I'll find out when in that situation?

Of Tears and Toddlers

2009-07-05T19:11:00.004+03:00

So juzi I was in a mat minding my own business on my way home. Nice Sunday afte and I'm thinking all is well with the world. Then a lady gets in with a kid who looks about 4 and he's crying. At first it's cute as I consider the childish petulence endearing. After a quick couple of minutes it gets old. And I quickly get to thinking the way mother's of nowadays let their kids get away with bloody murder. This kid goes on and on in tears and the mother seemingly oblivious stares off in the opposite direction. As we get along, the kid decides to tell the mother that the reason for his tears is that he wants water. She nicely and patiently explains to him that she doesn't have any but that they will get some when they get to their destination. The young one throws his little fists in the air and wales in his tantrum for the rest of my journey.

With my face clouded over I ask myself why she doesn't just do something about it. And then a little memory comes to mind. I must have been around 6 years old and was with my dad and brother as we walked through town with a million places to go when I suddenly declared that I was dying of thirst. I said I could hardly take another step until I got some water. My poor dad left me in the charge of my brother as he ran into a super market to get me some water. He got back with a whole litre and we all stood around waiting for me to drink to my fill. I promptly took 2 dainty sips and said I'd had enough! If my dad were a jungu he'd have been as red as red shaggs soil!

As I alighted and the kid continued crying, I threw a weak commiseratory smile to the poor mother and went on my way. Hoorah to all the parents of the world!

Michael's Kids aren't his ... yet the West never noticed

2009-06-29T18:05:00.004+03:00

I love Michael Jackson and love his music. He's the Hailey's Commet of super stars and I'm glad the he passed by in my life time. RIP Michael.

That said, he did have quirky habits and I didn't really think much about them. I mean he's a star after all (Alanis Morriset keeps vials of blood ...) The subject of this post isn't even so much that he claimed kids who weren't his to be his (anyone could do that and we all have our secrets) but that no one ever really seemed to notice.

In this era of substances scraped off Lewinsky's dress to prove a point and Princess Di's terrible end at the hands of the paparazzi, how is it that the media didn't pick on this. Debbie Rowe admits here that the kids weren't his and that they had a sham marriage, but how can anyone who's looked at these kids not note that they are 100% caucasian? All the media houses speak freely of his biological kids without ever a question as to their paternity. Why? Aren't these the same guys who insist that Mariah Carrey is 'black'?

Go figure and have an analytical day!

Stranger than Fiction

2009-06-22T09:51:00.006+03:00

Stranger than fiction is the story (read it here) of 18 year old Belgian girl called Kimberly who went into a tattoo parlour supposedly for 3 tattoos on the side of her face and came out with 56. There are many elements of this story that lead one to wonder. The single most troubling one to me is how you can wake up in the morning, choose to get a tattoo and go to a guy who looks like this for it:

So the chick who wanted 3 small stars left the parlour looking like this:

The girl supposedly fell asleep while getting them done and the guy just went on and on like the energizer bunny. How do you sleep when getting a tattoo, and especially a tattoo on your face? The guy says he'll pay for half of them to be removed and is happy with the publicity he's recieving.

It's a strange world indeed!

Of slowness and related tardiness

2009-06-19T12:00:00.004+03:00

I'm working on the single most boring engagement in my adult life. It's a 50 page document that's so dreary I've been reading it for a whole week, taking it home everyday and I've only gotten half way! How shall I survive?! Anyhoo, I find myself very distractable and thought why not tell a tale!

The other day on my way to work, there was a mat whose dere said they were going to the general vicinity in which I was headed. Being on a road where those mats don't ply, I wondered to myself for about 2 seconds before I jumped in, ready to enjoy the ride. Now this is where I think there must have been something wrong with me. Not at the jumping in part but at riding along jolily staring out the window as we moved from familliar settings to stranger and more deserted roadsides. When I snapped out of my reverie and decided to get off, I was standing a distance from the office in what we shall call 'the middle of nowhere' (makes you think of Eustace and that dog huh? But I digress).

After standing by the road for about 10 minutes I realised that 'tmon' doesn't have many mats and that the few that pass by are packed to the brim and caked with mud in a manner likely to suggest a long journey from beyond the city limits. I decided to call my cab guy only to have him tell me that he was about as far as he could possibly be from 'tmon' and the other one was mteja. Just as I was having a conversation with my God for a clue on what to do, seeing as the clock was a-ticking and I needed to get to work, a mat miraculously stopped infront of me and I managed to plough through the gunias of produce, find a shared seat and get to work - late but at least I made it.

The saddest part of this tale is that I wasn't nursing a hangover or anything ... just being particularly slow (which may explain my problem with the document). Have a faster day please! Shiko thanks for the heads up! :-)

Sweet success

2009-04-17T20:53:00.003+03:00

I have spent the last 2 days passively and last 2 hours actively trying to open a bottle of wine. I have a corkscrew but of the type that must have been used in the years BC coz it leaves you to your own devices once you've done the screwing bit. I even went online on tips on what to do. It's one of those nights when a drink sounds so tempting. Let's just say that the solution involved a window and an odd angle!

And there's oh nothing quite like the taste of success ...!

Of Leopards and Tall Tales

2009-04-17T07:57:00.003+03:00

I was going through the paper this morning when I came across the story of the leopard. Apparently, there's a leopard that has made Eastlands it's home. It goes about mauling dogs and sheep and leaves the carnage behind.

Some dude coming home at 1am some night apparently came across it in a fight with dogs and must have thought he should quit drinking for its negative effects on one's perception. He got home and called out his wife to verify and she confirmed that it was indeed a wild animal. I don't however know how much weight I want to put on her confirmation. I mean think about it. She was probably seething at her husband's tardiness until around 11pm when she decided to turn in. Then at 1am, she's woken up by her idiot husband probably thinking to herself "we talked about this ... he has a key ..." Then instead of the well rehearsed apology she has heard over and over again, listens to him tell her over the waves of intoxicating fumes he's emitting that he saw a leopard ... I'd be surprised if she didn't just give him a prized glare, turn over and go back to sleep!

But seriously, you may want to reconsider having a late night out in Buru this weekend ...

Of Walks and Poor Energy Planning

2009-02-01T18:49:00.003+03:00

So in my new hood I walk a lot. Being a user of public transport, I find that walking some distance saves me the trouble of connecting with 2 mats and gets me to work faster. If I lived anywhere other than a developing 3rd world country, my walk would be considered cool and even helpful to the environment da-di-da. Well too bad coz I live in Kenya and always get quizzical looks from anyone I tell I walk some distance on my way to work (not to mention questioning looks from strangers as I go about my way) *sigh*

Anyhoo, on one of my walks I chanced upon a vehicle that had stalled on an incline and had caused a snarl up behind it. I figured from the look of the guy in the car, that, having sent someone running with a jerrycan, it must have been one of those days when the poor sap just didn't have enough money for fuel and was praying the the sock he had put in would do the job. Well it hadn't. I was feeling sorry for him when I realised it had GK number plates. Surely the government could afford fuel I thought to myself and I strained my head to see what department the vehicle belonged to. It was all I could do to restrain myself from keeling over in gails of laughter when I realized that the car belonged to the Ministry of Energy!!!

Have yourself an entertaining day!

Here today, gone tommorrow

2009-01-31T19:10:00.004+03:00

I've very recently been forced to face the trancient nature of life. A couple of days ago, an aquaintance was walking in town going about her business when her phone rang. She chatted with her pal and told her she was planning to do a little shopping before going home. The time was 3pm. It was the day Nakumatt burnt down. No one has heard from her since.

Yesterday some pals dropped me home after a birthday dinner only to be rammed into by a speeding Touareg less than 100 meters from my gate at an intesection. They were in a strong car but it spun and landed on its side stopped from rolling continously on by an unlikely obstruction. The rack will probably be written off. They got away with a few scratches thanks to their belts though the one who hadn't belted up required medical attenton. Questions abound. What if ... what if ...?

This life is not your own.

30

2009-01-30T09:43:00.002+03:00

That year has come and gone again. I make the bold move of declaring age and present a poem:

I sit on the edge of the great three – oh
And ask myself how much further to go
‘This can’t be mid-life’ I wonder aloud
‘Got so much more to do to make myself proud’

Can’t say I regret the time that’s gone by
Not sure I’d change much even if allowed to try
For living is in the day as each it passes
And there are many a tomorrow for one and more chances

And yet I feel so young, like it had just begun
A little smiling kid, face turned to the sun
So I guess what’s important is the age you are inside
‘Least that’s what I’ll tell myself as I watch the years glide

Phew ...

2009-01-25T17:27:00.002+03:00

Now that looks better don't it! I was finding the page a twinge dark. I really like the way the new blogger has simplified things for we the not-so-tech-savvy. Thanks B. Granted I'm light years behind many of you, but at least I can do something here & there.

If you lke the pic up there, do visit the landscapes link to the side. There are really great pics there.

Cherio.

New Year New Cheer

2009-01-22T08:21:00.004+03:00

I've only just realised that I haven't blogged this whole year! No good.

And what a year it's been so far, what with America's bold Obama move. I must say that the results of the american elections have shown, where nothing else probably could, that the american electorate have come of age. America is indeed a country to emulate, a country that has, in a relatively short span, turned almost colour blind. That's something for us in Africa to think about as we go about voting in tribal 'chiefs'.

Congratulations Mr. Obama and may you stand true to the ideals that lead you to the oval office.

Of Idiots and Cops

2008-10-17T13:52:00.005+03:00

So jana I left home late (as has become my norm recently) and was caught up in the jam. I was in a mat and was glad when the overlapping started (don't you just hate that when travelling by private means?!) But the thing with the mat guys is that they're sharp and they send someone to be their look out for cops.

So there was this doola who decided that he's had it with being overtaken and he joined the overlapping bandwagon. He didn't notice the other cars trying to pull into the lanes and he kept zooming past, pleased with himself. As fate would have it, he met with cops at the end of the road and they stopped him and asked him to get out of the car. Now the reason he's a doola is he decided the cops are thoroughly unfair and are picking on him since they didn't stop the other cars, and he told them as much in flowery language. A dude this is Kenya. He refused to get out of his car but forgot he had left the passenger side open. They were 2 cops and one got in through the passenger side and fished him out. The poor guy was worked on bright and early in the morning before being whisked off. I wonder what he was charged with? Resisting arrest? Obstruction? Possession of an illicit substance? Being a member of an out-lawed sect?!

Many ways not to skin a mbuzi!

2008-10-15T13:24:00.003+03:00

Of my many untold stories, the one that keeps me chuckling every once in a while as I go on my way is the story of the goat. Until recently I lived in South B which is really your average Nairobi middle class area that has something for everyone. In such places, it is not surprising to see a goat being grazed within the estate when the festivities of Christmas and the New Year draw close.

It was therefore no surpirse to me when that happened and I would smile to myeslf whenever I saw the animal and hope that I would be invited to the bash of its downfall. Christmas came and went and then the post election fiasco occuerd and I had few thoughts to spare for the goat. So it wasn't until sometime around March (well we can all be slow) that it dawnd on me that the mbuzi was still around and still grazing. By June I was wondering ... 'Kwani they can't think of an excuse to chinja it?' So one day I approached the owner and asked her what gives?

'Ah huyu hatuwezi mchinja sasa' I was told in a coasto accent 'huyu ashakuwa pet kwa watoto'. It is upon hearing this that I remembered that I had often seen her kids playing with the goat and speaking highly of it. But that's not even the cruncher ... not only do we have a pet mbuzi in my court, but it even has a name. The damned thing is called 'Rehema' ... and it itikas when you call it!!!

Dunia ina mambo!

Of Idiots & Pick-up Lines

2008-08-27T13:28:00.003+03:00

So the other day I was walking the short distance from a supermarket to my home in the evening after work. It had been a tough day and I was just generally tired and in need of my warm bed and the opportunity to flip the pages of the thrilling book I had been reading.

As I walked along, my mind lost in my own thoughts and listening to music from my phone through earphones, I became aware of a vehicle that was crawling along beside me. Realising that the guy behind the wheel was trying to get my attention, I unplugged my ears ready to give directions to whatever place he was looking for.

"You look tired," was his opening line and I thought to myself 'Oh brother'.

"That's beacause I am," I said.

"I bought some chicken for dinner today," was his second statment. "Why don't you come along and we could share the meal together?"

I mean really! What kind of pick up line is that? In what parallel universe would some poor damsel be so thrilled as to receive an invitation for chicken (which by the looks of the guy she might have had to cook) that she'd jump into a stranger's car, poverty notwithstanding. Is this what the Kenyan woman searching for a relationship has to contend with? Really! Needless to say I got rid of him through one brief statement but as I walked along I shook my head in wonder.

I have chicken! Eish!

Of Abattoirs and Sanitation Ministers

2008-08-18T08:09:00.003+03:00

Sometime back, say around 1999, the powers that be, presumably parliamentarians, thought it wise to enact a law governing environmental issues in this country. And so it was that the National Enviroment Management Authority (NEMA) came to be and I think that the whole set up is generally a good idea.

So it was that NEMA, in carrying out its statutory duties, gave notice to 5 abattoirs in the Dagoretti area to get their act together or get shut down. Upon the expiry of the notice 3 months later, when not enough had been done, the 5 were shut down. Good no? I mean, if you had seen those places on the tele you may wish to sooner become a vegetarian than eat their meat ever again. Those guys wear long thick gum boots because they wade in calf deep filthy murky water (I don't want to imagine meat falling in and just being retrieved and sold at my local butchery). Then there are those scavenger birds that eat to their fill, piles of waste ... *shudder* yuck!

Anyhoo, the Dagoretti MP, who just so happens to be the Minister for Public Health and Sanitation, in a very public show visited these abattoirs and declared that NEMA ought not to have closed them down in the manner they did and should in fact have given them some time to clean up adding that a lamentable 10,000 people were rendered jobless by the closure.

I sit back, scratch my head and wonder. Madam Waziri, is it your stand that the Ministry of Public Health AND SANITATION would rather that Kenyans were poisoned by contaminated meat than 10,000 jobs be temporarily lost? Is it your stand that 3 months notice is not notice at all? Is it your stand that NEMA, which was quite frankly only doing its job, should watch itself in its zeal of undertaking its duties in your constituency?

Real bad show.

Of Inappropriate Office Tunes and Mannerisms

2008-08-05T08:08:00.005+03:00

So, yesterday afternoon a new guy joins our office. I must have been out when he was doing the introductory round as I missed it. So I wonder who he is and what he does, but that doesn't get me too wound up as I'm very busy. Not more than 30 minutes after the guy has been seated opposite me (yeah ... open plan offices) he starts to whistle. Who reports to work and on their first day starts whistling? But that's not even the worst of it. What is the guy whistling ... wait for it ... "I like the way you do me, do me ... do me I do you ..."!

"What really is the world coming to?" I ask myself. What happened to the good old days when the work place was a serious place where respect for those around you meant that you kept the extraordinary aspects of your life to yourself? A little stiff perhaps but you know ... sturdy. I sighed, gathered my thoughts and went back to work.

Then his phone rang ... You guessed it. The full uncensored version "Do me, do me, do me, do me ..." The junguz in the office turned some deep shade of fuchsia pink!

Chasing time

2008-07-30T08:11:00.002+03:00

Yesterday wasn't a very good day for me. It was like the god of lethargy and slowness had chosen me as his victim of the day.

It was evening and I was in a rush (Tuesday movies are back to 200/= and I'm a Kenyan like that). I was meant to meet someone who'd deliver a letter for me but being caught up in the jam, I got late and they left and I got upset. I managed to get a plan B, who however somewhat compliated my life when discussing the modeof delivery, but that marked the decent of the dark cloud.

Next, I dashed to some building where I wished to get some certain un-speakable beauty treatment done, only to find that they were so busy they couldn't slot me in. That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was that I didn't know what they were called or what floor they were on since I had just heard about their good services, and so had to go up and down the whole building looking for them.

Then I went to the bank to pick an ATM card. Whereas there were 2 counters and both were busy, I sat on the dge of my seat waiting for my turn. When it finally came, I stated my purpose as consicely as possible hoping to be in and out in 2 minutes. The guy on the other side of the counter was obviously tired after a hard day's work and anxiously watching the minutes tick by. He slowly took my details and went to pick the card. Just as my luck that day would have it, the client who came in after me and was being served at the other counter had a collossal problem that apparently needed the full attention and input of both bank guys and I was left staring at the wall as they gave him full assistance. "But I was here first," I quietly thought to myself as I watched the minutes ticking by.

When that was finally over, I popped into a certain shop and after picking my purchases, went through the exact same thing at the till. The chick who was behind me was served before me since they knew her. People, what the hell is wrong with our customer service!

Anyhoo, I somehow managed to get to the movie on time and was well entertained. At some point I figured that getting upset at the world doesn't make things work faster.

Best foot forward?

2008-07-04T08:15:00.003+03:00

Well I went and got myself a new job. I had gone for the interview ages ago and was called the other day. I'm very happy with the new place but I think I need to change my mind set. On my very first day I went out for an almost 2 hour lunch when I have a one hour lunch break! As though that weren't bad enough, on my second day, I got to work 45 minutes late!

Really this is meant to be the time to put the best foot forward, show them I was a good choice nini ... but noooooo! Granted I had very good reasons on both occassions but I don't think that new employers are looking out for good excuses!

Learn from the error of my ways and try to make a better first impression.

Of Drugs and Side Effects

2008-06-16T12:55:00.002+03:00

So I’ve been unwell and it’s been a real downer. And predictably enough, the worst part was the drugs. I finish today at lunch time and can’t wait. Probably go for a drink later on to celebrate the end of antibiotics!

Anyhoo, when I was given the dawa I decided not to read the box or the ka-slip that comes with it as I was sure I would get each and every side-effect if I knew of it beforehand. So when I got through one of them, I read the slip and was shocked to find that the drug has been found to be carcinogenic when tested on lab rats! I mean really! What’s the point of having the ability to send a man to the moon and a bot to Mars if we can’t cure illnesses without causing CANCER! For crying out loud all I had was a tummy infection which I find a tad more convenient than radiotherapy! Then the other drug’s side effects included a pre-disposition to seizures!!!

On reading some more I recognized most of the side-effects as what I had taken for granted to be caused by the infection. One was a furry feeling in the mouth which I would never actually have understood but for the experience (you don’t want to know). Another was a feeling of daftness which they described as a feeling of confusion. I was much pleased to realize that that was a side effect and not just a natural mental state. I’ll watch for improvements.

Well now I’m glad to say that I’m better and roaring to go. I only wish someone would take the time to make drugs look more appealing and taste better … and of course make them less harmful than what they’re curing.

Of Christian Rock and Daima

2008-06-03T15:23:00.001+03:00

So this long weekend, I chose to go to Sherlock’s Den on Sunday. They had promised a great array of rock all night long and I thought that that would just make my evening perfect.

I’d been thinking of doing a meal there since they had such exotic named dishes on their menu, but not being overly hungry, I decided to settle for a cheese pie. So it came like 20 minutes after I ordered it, lukewarm and without cutlery. Thinking that must have been an oversight, I sent the waiter for a knife and fork which he brought back with a cheeky smile. I came to realise the reason for his amusement soon enough when I found that cutting through the pie with a knife and fork would have given Samson a hard time … even with his locks. My boyfriend, thinking (as all men do) that I was just being a damsel in distress tried to remedy the situation and took over the attempts at cutting. When that failed, and short of asking for a chain saw, I just bit in. Heh!

I interrupt this imagery to take you inside the pie. As I bit in and struggled to bite through the cheese, I realised what the problem was. They must have used a chunk of Daima cheese which they didn’t even bother to grate. You must here understand that Daima cheese products are very special. I once bought a chunk of Daima cheddar cheese for its cheap price and almost threw it out. Chewing on it is like chewing on rubber that just won’t let you get the better of it. You chew and chew and when you get tired just swallow coz that’s one battle you just won’t win!

Anyhoo, upon walking in, I had noticed a band setting up and positioned myself strategically to get the best out of their performance. They tuned their instruments to Systems of a Down, and it was all I could do to stop myself from dashing forth and giving them a list of my requests. After waiting patiently and downing more Black Ices than I otherwise would have, they begin. I don’t know the 1st, 2nd … 3rd songs and then I realise why: this is a Christian rock band. I was so sad. Not that there’s anything wrong with Christian music but I really felt cheated. It was like going to a book store only to find that it was a zoo. Mis-representation was the problem. The band (Rock of Ages) by the way was very very good … especially the kid on drums.

I left and went to Choices which is yet to disappoint me!

Of Drycleaners and Attendants

2008-05-30T12:01:00.001+03:00

Let me tell you that right now, drycleaners are the very bane of my existence. Well that was true until a few short minutes ago. Let me explain. It begun on Saturday afternoon when I thought it would be a good idea to take just about all my suits for cleaning at the drycleaners at the local shopping center. They do a generally good job, save for the seemingly excessive quantities of chemicals they pour into the clothes … they could almost make your eyes tear! This was such a big step up from the place I used to dryclean in the CBD where clothes would come out reeking of sweat after cleaning. My pal joked about this saying that maybe they also ran a clothes hire business. What we won’t do to save a shilling!

But I digress. They told me that I could go for the clothes the next day. So on the Sunday of the infamous countrywide blackout (dark Sunday?) I go for them during said black out just to find the shop closed. I chalk that off to their not thinking that guys would come for their clad in the dark. No biggie.

Enter Monday evening when I make a stop over on my way home to pick the suits. “Madam pole sana,” I’m told “Lakini hazijakua tayari.” (“Sorry lady but they’re not ready”). I’m put off and disappointed since I only have the reject suits for the next day that I was just about to give out to charity. I would have preferred not to wear those but what to do? In my head, I quickly think that the blackout must have stalled the cleaning process and sigh heavily. It does not however help me put my mind at ease that the guy attending me keeps insisting that I must have taken the clothes for cleaning late on Sunday and that’s why they are not ready. *Sigh*

It’s Tuesday and I’ve had a disappointing and difficult day. All I want to do is curl up in bed with my novel while listening to relaxing music. For lack of anything to wear the next day, I pass by the cleaners thinking it just a quick stop. So the attendant picks my receipt and goes to the back to look for the clothes. Minutes tick on and on. And on, and on, and on. Trying very hard not to get worked up, I ask another attendant to find out why it’s taking so long. After a minute, Attendant No. 2 comes out and informs me that my clothes were mistakenly taken to another branch. I want to cry. Turns out that the other branch gets its clothes cleaned from this outlet and their overzealous or just daft employee picked my clothes with the rest. I really have no fight left in me. Almost as bad as the news of the missing clothes, is the fact that Attendant No. 1 kept me waiting unnecessarily long for bad news and didn’t even have the decency to face me in person but sent a minion!

Wednesday just starts off awfully coz I feel I look bad in a strange suit. I try to greatly minimize movement away from my desk so as not to be seen (this of course turns out to be the day when my bosses want to send me on excursions in the most unlikely of places (Murphy’s Law)). During my rounds, I confide my drycleaner troubles to a pal who clearly does NOT know how to help. He tells me that I’m unlikely to get my clothes back and reminisces about the time when his pants were lost by the cleaners. He says that they told him just what they were telling me until they finally admitted the loss. Not one to take his property lightly, he made a big deal out of the whole thing and finally managed to get compensation. Joy.

Evening comes and I slink off to the cleaners all along hoping that this will be the last time I’ll ever have to go there again. “Ah madam … ni wewe” I’m told by yesterdays Attendant No. 1. “Sasa … hizo nguo hazijakuja bado.” (So, it’s you? Your clothes aren’t back yet”). This time I don’t hold back. I throw the book together with a dictionary and the encyclopedia Britannica at them for good measure. I explain, in no calm tones, that I have nothing to wear the following day and that it is not reasonable to keep someone waiting for such a long time. They assure me that the clothes will be there within the hour since the offending branch has sent someone to deliver them. We agree that I’m to come back in an hour’s time when I’m assured the clothes will have arrived. Thoughts of reporting the matter to the cops as theft flash through my mind but I wait.

So yes that’s where I’m from and I did manage to get the clad. They seem well done to me and I’m primarily relived that my pal’s prediction did not come to pass. As I left, the attendants gave me a little lecture about how to err is human and I shouldn’t get annoyed when all can be so easily rectified. Oi! It would be a wonder if they ever got a whiff of my money again!

Of Singers and Not

2008-05-23T13:57:00.003+03:00

So the other day I was on my way to work. I grapple with public transport so I got into a mat and sat restlessly wondering if we’d ever get to town. I like public transport in so far as it affords me an opportunity to read books while in transit since I’m just a book buff (if there is any such thing). Anyway I had finished my previous book just the day before and didn’t have much to do. I remembered that my phone was one of those that store music and figured that that was what would entertain me on this journey.

I took out my earphones and went about untangling them, happy that I had found something to do. As if inspired by my actions, the young, prim, important-looking lady next to me in a hip hair style and a power suit did the same. I really had no problem with her other than to think in a childish voice in my head ‘copy-cat’. I listened to my selection of music and all was well with the world - until the girl next to me starts singing.

Take a step back in order as to better understand the situation. This is an junk of a nissan (late risers can’t be choosers) and therefore has no music. Those without today’s state-of-the-art telephones (but do I say) are left to listen to the chugging of the exhaust pipe and rattling of window panes for entertainment. Enter Chick-D who thinks that the only reason she’s not Céline Dion is that she was born in the wrong continent. And it would most certainly have helped if her voice was in the same category as Céline’s … or Mary J’s … or even the mama of ‘Nipe Shilingi’ fame (whatever happened to her?). But that was not the case. She reminded me of that guy in Idols who during the auditions sang an own composition that went “I really really love my mom …”! I mean, she would have made that ever so mild Tanzanian judge on Tusker Project Fame II (Dan Kiondo) pull an Ian and maybe call her a ‘twit’! If your not with me, let me just break it down and say that her voice was really really not good (politically correct).

And then the chick picks up momentum as she steadily manages to ignore all the curios glances she’s getting from the whole mat. At some point, she’s singing along to a spirited Jang’o Christian song and I seriously feel that it’s all she can do to keep herself from waking up and dancing.

People! Do some among us not grow up with siblings who bully away all inclination we ever had to sing along to anything playing on our walkmans/radios? Do we not have friends (for some of those TPF and Idols contenders) who tell us that we just can’t sing? Do our dogs not growl in agony as we pretend to be Barry White in the shower? Je huu ni ungwana?

Of King and Loos

2008-05-22T16:02:00.002+03:00

Heh! Now let me give you the story of the day that transpired just a few minutes ago. I was sitting right here at this comp not 30 minutes ago when I felt the urge to go for a long call (heavy lunch). The office is housed on the 7th floor of our building and the loos are near the entrance at each wing. We had recently suffered a spate of stolen taps and the management has not been happy with us.

Of course these thoughts couldn’t have been further from my mind. I went about my business beginning with the wiping of toilet seat and placing of tissue around it and proceeding with what comes naturally. As I was in the stall, I was briefly aware of the opening of the main door into the loos and some activity. I didn’t think much about it at first but something about the movements; perhaps the length of time during which they proceeded in a seemingly haphazard way, got my attention. My attention was only held momentarily, though, as my mind zoomed to the King (Stephen King) that I’m now reading. I’ll put it this way: right now my job and life generally are just getting in the way of when I can finally get back to my book. It’s a creepy story about cell phones and the part they could play in Armageddon should someone trigger them. The part I was at on my lunch break had to do with the protagonists being crept up on by the bad guys and wondering what to do next. From here, my mind automatically switched to a book I’ve had in the works that is inspired by King in content and which has something to do with a young lady stuck alone on the 7th floor of a building when things start getting spooky. I briefly wonder how I’ll carry the story forth then quickly switch my attention back to the person making strange noises outside. What if it’s a boogeyman of sorts? What if they’re doing something they don’t want me knowing about and upon my emergence they grab me and jump out the window with my last site on earth being their face? (At this point I remember thinking that that would be rather unfortunate as I would rather go face down). I drummed my feet on the floor, partly to shake these thoughts out of my head and partly to let the person of strange loo habits know that they were not alone in case they were doing something untoward like stripping.

Anyway, I think I’ve been particularly slow minded (politically correct for dim witted) today since I got to bed jana late after watching the match and haggling with a cab driver (story for another day). Well I heard what sounded like a hanger drop then soon thereafter water started to flow. Except that it didn’t sound like water in a sink but in a shower. The door opens and closes. And that is when (finally) the pieces started to fall together. Could it be that the phantom of the disappearing taps had visited our floor again? I got out of the cubicle and regarded the scene before me with the dumb look of surprise. The Phantom had indeed come back and this time gotten away with 1 of the 2 precious taps.

Well now I wait to be questioned by the building’s security on what I might have seen. What if I’d gotten out of the cubicle and met this person face to face in the act of removing a tap? Would they have attacked me? Would I have had the good sense to cry out for help? Would my voice have abandoned me as happens to many of King’s protagonists? I’m glad I didn’t have to find out.

Of Demeanors and Smugness

2008-05-21T14:12:00.002+03:00

So the other day I was on my way home after a hard day’s work when I chanced upon some kids who seemed to be collecting money for some charity or other. I have always thought that a rather harsh way of collecting money for a good cause: sending out primary school kids to stalk strangers and beg for money while quickly and almost always inarticulately explaining what it was for. I thought that if I were the Minister for Education, I would not permit such activities to be sanctioned by Kenyan schools. I wondered what the charity would be. A new school fence? A new school bus? Assisting needy students? As all this went through my mind, the kids I was expecting to accost me for money looked at me and at the young lady who was walking astride me on the other side of the street, and quickly crossed over to pester her for money.

I felt as though I had been slapped. “What …. How … Where” I asked myself. How dare they! In a split second, they had concluded that they had more chances in getting money out of her than me! The audacity of some people (young though they may be)! Granted, I may not necessarily have parted with some cash … but I could have been convinced.

On cooling off and losing my sense of indignation I wondered what it is that had brought them to their conclusion. I have been told that I at times carry a headmistress’ severe expression on my face when I walk alone, deep in thought. Could that have been it? Or maybe it was the fact that I was dressed in a boring dark suit and she was dressed in a young-hip way? Could it possibly be they thought her younger or prettier? Maybe they just preferred her hairstyle!

Does the way you carry yourself say something about you that you’re not aware of? Where my demeanor seems to say ‘You better leave me the hell alone’, what does yours say? Are you inviting (like my pal who keeps getting countless marriage proposals from seemingly serious men) or foreboding? Friendly or curt? And does your ‘look’ say it to everyone or just a few (in my case the young and innocent)?

I went off pondering these thoughts. I was however glad to note, from the corner of my eye, that the girl across the street had declined to invest in their noble cause and couldn’t help but smile to myself, smug as I thought ‘serves you right!’

Of M-Pesa and Service Provision

2008-05-21T14:00:00.001+03:00

For all the simplicity using Safaricom’s M-Pesa is meant to provide, I’ve had a rather hard time at it. I’ve always noticed long queues at various M-pesa agent points and so thought that I’d be better off giving it a wide berth. However, yesterday I needed to send money and therefore decided to give it a shot. Besides, all their adverts made it sound like the best thing since sliced bread.

I went to Mama Ngina Street and at the first agent I tried, I was rudely told that the person dealing with that service had walked out and I could wait. Feeling that our liberalized capitalist society should not allow for such responses, I quickly moved on to the next one. Here, they really went out of their way in their bid to make me feel unimportant. I was the only person there for that service but they had me wait as the staff finished off what must have been a very juicy story even after my request for service. When I finally got their attention, I told the lady serving me that I had never used the service before and had no idea how it worked. In a manner that made me feel like I was wasting her time, she took down the necessary details and sent the money. I was a little put out as I was hoping for an enlightening discussion. She informed me that I couldn’t register for the service as the Safaricom system was down (which is something I hear all too often from complaining customers) and asked that I try again later.

So here I am no more informed than I was before I visited the outlets. I haven’t gone back to register lest I disturb the agents in their all important story telling sessions.

What’s so complicated about the concept of customers being important? Why is it so difficult to get good service in this country? If I don’t spend much or indeed anything today, why not just be courteous and hope I come back tomorrow now that I know what’s on offer? That’s just service provision at this corner of the globe!

Of Fruits and Making a Point

2008-05-14T15:56:00.003+03:00

So the other day I was heading home after a hard day’s work and thought it would be a good idea to get some fruits on my way. I stopped by a kiosk that’s on the way and had a craving for apple mangoes since their season was just about to end. I felt around searching for good ones and couldn’t seem to find any. The kiosk operator (if you’ll let me call him that) was eyeing me in a way that made me wonder if he was wishing me away; I seemed to have interrupted his meal. Being a believer in the adage “he who does not work should not eat”, I asked for his help in choosing ripe fruits. He begrudgingly came over and handed me quite a number of fruits which were, to me, unsatisfactory for one reason or the other. I told him as much and said resignedly that that was certainly not my lucky day, as I made to leave.

“Yaani hununui? (you mean to say that you’re not buying any?)” he asked with an incredulous look on his face.
“Lakini sijapata, (but I haven’t gotten any good ones)” I replied.
“Wewe fanya hivi, (you do this)” he said, obviously very put off. “Hii duka, usiwahi kurudi hapa kununua kitu tena. Umesikia? (don’t you ever come back to this shop. Do I make myself clear?) ”
My shock was palpable. It however very quickly gave way to amusement and quite in spite of myself and in spite of the fact that I didn’t want to make the poor guy feel any worse, I burst out laughing.

You need to understand that I’m the kind of person who keeps grudges against non-performing service providers. On some day a million years ago, a certain tout in a matatu refused to give me my change and I all but swore to myself that I would never get into that vehicle again. More than that I was determined to cause a scene when I’d be with a group of people who I would convince to take another vehicle because those were thieves (lame I know). I never went back to a certain chain of stores because their staff was rude to me. I never purchased anything from a particular outlet after the goods they sold me proved to be of inferior quality. That’s just me.

So for this trader to tell me what he did made me realize that it may at times seem silly to take such stands as though the world were just black and white. It may at times be useful to factor in the greys … and the reds, greens and violets. Take a step away from your usual way of viewing things today and give someone a chance.

(For the record, I haven’t been to that stall since. With the competition blossoming at every corner, his wish is my command! The customer is always right!) (Just like me to give with one hand and take with the other. Consider it broad mindedness?)

Of Unhappy Employees and Turnovers

2008-05-14T15:43:00.002+03:00

Today I started my driving classes. I know, I know it’s way way long over due. You see when I was younger, I figured that since there was no vehicle to practice on, there was really no point in getting a DL. And up to some point I think I was right since I witnessed so many of my pals doing the classes over and over again as they kept forgetting for lack of practice. But now I most certainly wish I hadn’t had all that foresight. Where’s the time to spend in front of painted planks termed model towns playing with toy cars? Well I’ve been forced to create the time and study with guys who are whole decades younger than me.

Today was my first class and the thing that struck me most from it is that the school’s owner is a tough employer. It first became apparent during my theory class when my teacher, a guy who sounded very experienced in his field and with an easily understandable teaching approach, kept being called every so often to run strange errands for his boss including at one point something that had to do with a bucket and water. What went through my mind is why interrupt paying students’ classes to get errands done? Secondly I thought that the guy was either a very special cleaner or a misused trainer.

I then went off on my practical and, being day one, it involved a lot of talking. Somehow, the conversation managed to find itself maneuvered into territories of difficult employers and my instructor had a litany of tales to tell. Not wanting to interrupt him, we managed to get in some 20 minutes or so of relevant talk and 40 minutes of employer bashing.

This train of thought leads me to a lady I know who just cannot keep a house help. She had a good albeit woebegone one who stayed for quite a while. She left for unfortunate reasons and since then, the turnover has been much like that of the stock exchange (I’d really love to understand what exactly that is). New one come today and gone tomorrow. I think she follows them around bickering about all they do wrong (which to her is all they do) and then chases them away in anguish.

Well this being the month that begins with a worker’s holiday, let us try and be charitable to our employees.

The Workman's Disconnect

2008-04-22T09:51:00.002+03:00

So you worked at a factory where you were injured (say you lost your hand) during the course of your duties and you sued your previous employer. The matter has been dragging in court for the last 3 years and you finally got a hearing date when you expect it will be concluded.

But wait … what’s this? Your Advocate summons you to his chambers and tells you that the laws of the land have changed. He explains that whereas there had been a set court procedure for handling claims such as yours, the Parliamentarians had, in their infinite wisdom, thought it wise to cut off all middle men (like lawyers and magistrates) in this cumbersome process of workmen’s compensation and create the Work Injury Benefits Act, presumably to make matters easier.

Whereas the parliamentarians had had the foresight to provide for such details as injuries between the tips of the ‘acromion’ and the ‘olcranon’, they had failed to make transitional provisions. Your lawyer explains that the Act, which came into operation in December 2007, provides that you are not entitled to sue your employer for damages arising out of your accident but should raise up the same with a certain Director of Occupational Safety and Health, who is, incidentally, yet to be appointed. He says that it matters not that your accident occurred before the law was changed since the new Act specifically provides that matters that pre-date it, such as yours, fall within its ambit.

So what to do? Your efforts at claiming your rights have lead to naught and your (previous?) Advocate is following up on his fees. You stand waiting for the position on the ground to follow the law like the proverbial cart put before the horse.

Of sweets!

2008-02-20T14:19:00.003+03:00

So what has tickled me today is an article in today's Nation Newspaper about the elections that took place in Packistan yesterday. Ati to celebrate their party's victory, supporters of the Pakistan Peoples Party shared sweets on the streets! I wish I could upload the picture; they're all zakes! Can you picture your old man hanging out in the street grinning from ear to ear and chewing on a lollipop! You see, alcohol really isn't a bad thing; it gives people something to do!

Me Birthday

2008-01-30T08:46:00.000+03:00

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday dear Me ................., Happy Birthday to me.

Another one bites the dust huh? Wiser not older? More experienced in matters worldly? One less year to live? I've heard them all but still get all excited around my birthday ... like a little kid with candy. I'm sadly quick running out of 20's and will soon have to start repeating years and explaining away the error that they made on my birth certificate ...

Well here's to wisdom!

Tired

2008-01-11T12:47:00.001+03:00

I'm tired of talking
Tired of words
Tired of opinions
That mean little to 'lords'

I'm tired of castigation
Tired of good intentions
Tired of chastisement
Tired of suppression

What is the point?
Who is listening?
Who is it who cares?
And wants more than a political 'christening'?

Pray for Kenya

2008-01-09T09:01:00.000+03:00

Well there you have it. The elections, which should have been a greatly enriching experience, have passed and left a bitter trail of death and destruction in their wake. Most of us feel somewhat cheated after proudly having braved numerous hours on queues in order as to practise our democratic right to vote, just for the Country to descend to such great depths of mayhem.

A lot has been said and I don't really want to add ink to the gallons that have gone before mine, but I will point out that what's going on, especially in the Rift Valley is most distressing. I heard it said that violence, if unchecked, gathers momentum of its own and I fear that that may be where we're headed, if we're not already there. Saddest of all is that the violence seen there seems to have very little to do with the elections but a deep seated hatred that has for decades festered in the hearts of the perpetrators and has just found an excuse for release. How do we stop that? How do we reconcile warring brothers?

Say a prayer for Kenya today.

There Are African Leaders Out There!

2007-10-24T08:28:00.000+03:00

This guy must be the son of an African President! I speak of Vladimir Putin, Russia's President whose term expires in 2008. Why you ask? He has decided that although he'll step down in 2008, upon the expiry of his constitutionally allowed 2-year term in office, he will work his machinations to come back as an all powerful Prime Minister (a position that doesn't currently exist). The PM post will have more powers than the president, who will then be a figure head. And it does not even end there, my dears. Get this, the guy's plan is to then run for office in the next term (2012) as the constitution does not preclude a 2-term office bearer from running agian so long as it is not for a consecutive 3rd term!

Can we extend the Mo Award to this guy? Clearly Africa is not alone in its bid to retire head of states!

My Tumultuous Weekend

2007-09-19T09:09:00.000+03:00

In a bid to entertain, let me tell you about my weekend.

It starts on Friday night when I have plans to go for a friends housewarming after a little do for my bro's birthday. Another pal offers to give me a ride as she'd also be headed there at the same time. We agree that I'm to call her at about 10pm. So the do ends early and I hung around town until 10pm and call. Where is she you wonder? She's gone! Just gone! Forgot all about me, whose been hanging out late specifically just to meet her. (Choice words censored here).

OK fine. I call the housewarmee who says that I can always grab a mat and notes that I'd be fine if I chuck at the right stop. So it's westlands and I've been aware that the bus stop was moved although I'm not too sure where to. I jump into a mat and for some reason just can't get myself to ask the tout where I should alight. I ride on and on and when I realise I must be on my way to Kangemi, I ask to be shukishwad. Everyone in the mat gives me a funny look and I only realize why when I'm out. It's the dark of night and I'm in the middle of nowhere. It's drizzling and vehicles are whizzing past me. I tell you Mary must have been surprised at all the Hail Mary's that went up to her that day. But she was very good to me and I got to a safe place from where my buddies picked me.

Saturday afternoon. For one, my phone is almost picked from my pocket while travelling in a mat. A non-descript ka-jamaa sat next to me and I only noticed something was amiss when I felt something move in my pocket. His hands were crossed and you would never have guessed what he was up to. Maybe with a bit more practice he'll be so good at it that he'll open up his own Mobile Phone outlet.

Saturday night. I go out for a bash that was rather delightful with a bunch of my pals. We hung out together until the wee hours of morn and then THEY ALL LEAVE ME IN K1 WITHOUT MY PHONE, MY KEYS OR MY BAG! The dude in whose car I'd left my stuff (still tormented by my near loss of phone) up and left without a goodbye and put off his phone. That was OK since we were still a number. But come the end of the night, they ALL forgot me. There were 2 separate means, a car and a cab. I had gone to find out how much the cab guy would charge us and when I came back there was no one. Apparently each car thought I'd gone with the other. (Choice words censored again).

After taking in the shock and thinking at least I have some money in my pocket, I go back to the cabs to find them all gone!!! Wallowing in self pity I go to Pitchers where the waitresses warily ask "Madam ukonashida?" And they ask huko from a distance lest I start off on a tirade of litanies describing all that's wrong with the world and force them to be there for the next shift. And at the time I'm asking myself even if I get a cab, where the hell am I going without keys.

Well I somehow manage to get home

Sunday. I spend the day in bed where 'friends' can't get to me!

Author's ego his downfall

2007-09-06T08:50:00.000+03:00

Now this should just knock your socks off! Ati some ka-polish guy, an author no less got jealous after learning that his wife had had a lover. So what does he do? He schemes and plots on his revenge and lets the details simmer in his mind for a while. The poor lover-man is tortured, starved and finally killed and his lifeless body is fished out of a river by the baffled police who find no leads.

Perfect crime no? Perhaps it would have been ... had the author not thought of turning his crime into a book! Yeap! He puts the gorry details of the crime and packages it into no less than a bestselling book. So one day, some bored cop retires home after a hard day's work to relax with his family with a glass of wine and a book. Yes, you guessed it. He puts two and two together and the author is arressted and tried for the murder. The author is Krystian Bala and the book is titled 'Amok'.

I kid you not. Check this out.

Ms. Knowles

2007-09-05T16:57:00.001+03:00

Doesn't super sexy and fabulous Beyonce look like your average Njeri in this picture? Go on ladies, admit it. When I saw the picture I was first drawn to it coz she looked just like my primo maths teacher. Glad to know the stars aren't always sparkling!

Waiters

2007-07-27T18:37:00.000+03:00

The other day, one of the local television stations did a piece on snoozing watchmen (didn’t you just feel sorry for all of those poor souls who addressed the cameras without knowing that they would soon be sacked for their errant ways?)

Well I got to thinking about the service sector and thought that a piece should certainly be done on waiters. I seriously believe that there should be a special school where all in the service industry should go before being set free on the unsuspecting public. (You can even throw in a 'bar' exam of sorts ...) And they should have some form of Hippocratic oath before graduating to serve to the best of their ability … and do no harm to mankind.

I have many a war tale on my sufferings at the hands of waiters. Why only yesterday I was at one of these famous South African outlets where I ordered a meal and a soda. Lo and behold I got a humongous ½ liter bottle of soda whereas I wanted the smaller one and worst of all, it came open. I mean really! In this day and age, who serves drinks which are not open in font of the clientele. Think dirt, germs, drugs, spit, detergent? Anything could find its way in leaving you in great difficulty when trying to explain to the doctor what exactly it was you ate that caused your food poisoning. So I tell the lady waitress that I would prefer to see the soda open before me. At first she plays a nearly convincing impression of a deaf mute as she busily engages in serving my counterparts. When I repeat and insist, she lethargically rolls her eyes (why roll your eyes if your going to do so lethargically? Won’t the meaning being conveyed by the gesture be lost?) and says “Hivyo ndiyo tunafanya huku.” No apology. No explanation. Nothing. And the woman moves away. End of story.

Later on while unwinding from work, I go to a joint known for its simple setting along Mombasa Road. The place is kicking and it’s all we can do at first to get a seat. We manage and order one round of drinks. It’s Karaoke night and it’s going fairly well. So the Waitress comes (I don’t know why they’re always female) and takes our orders. Even before I realize that there’s someone there to take our orders, I notice her plaintiff voice rising above the sound of the music when in answer to my friends question on whether they have a certain drink. She's shrieking and saying that we need to give her one single payment for all the drinks as the barman won’t give her change for separate payments.

Pause. Consider:
a) If we didn’t know each other, would she ask us to put our heads together and come up with a single payment?
b) What does the mode/amount of payment have to do with whether or not the drink my friend wants is in stock?
c) Why the shrieking?

Whereas we were in a sociable mood, we provide a solution to her change problem by only giving her one note and would you know it, the $!&<# waitress decides that the change is her tip. Whereas we had not received service worth tipping for, and do not believe that waiters (or any one else for that matter) should unilaterally pick what they want from your money, we call her and ask for the balance. She moves off to get it but never comes back. We have to track her down and ask her again, at which point she puts on a baffled expression and swears amicably that she'd forgotten. Well at least this time she returns with the money. Ooiie!

And I can’t sign this off without mention of the personal hell I’ve been treated to by these people called waiters. I drink hot milk (bite me) and hot water on occasion (not together though ... that would just be tea devoid of tea bags!). I have watched the drink brought in tall glasses (more times than I care to count) , so hot that the waiter carries it on a saucer. If you can’t hold it neither can I. And no I will not just wait for it to cool ... it won't be hot anymore. Just put it in a %*<$!+@ cup!

I’d like to see a few of these guys giving TV commentaries on why they’re so bad at their jobs and then go the way of the now unemployed watchmen after their 15 minutes.

Tremors

2007-07-24T08:12:00.001+03:00

Isn't Kenya just the the place to be? So there were tremors and all and sudry were eager to air their tremor experiences. A chick on telly was so shaken (pardon the pun) that she could barely speak and claimed to have been traumatized. I think it's the first time ever in Kenya's history that the government was not blamed for the goings on ... oh then again, that's not true. There were calls for the Government to pull up it's socks in disaster preparedness.

Then the funniest part, (though I'm sure that those who suffered would not consider it funny) was when on the night of 16.07.2007, a text message warning of a huge impending earthquake made the rounds. People were woken up from their houses by watchmen and told to move out of their homes for their own safety. Family and friends called each other and warned of the impedeing danger. People moved in their vehicles covered in blankets to petrol stations where they sought safety (why anyone would consider a petrol station safe is beyond me). They left at 3:00 am and got tired of waiting for disaster at about 6:00 am. The Government Spokesman (who no one likes) got all worked up since the rumour said that the source of the information was the American Embassy. He was hurt that Kenyans are so willing to beleive a mzungu because of their mzungu status. In their defence I think it's cause the US had said (conveniently after the fact) that it had known that The Tsunami (the big one) would occur.

So there was a tremor today, tommorrow, the day after, and soon it became routine to the point of being boring. Those ones of 'Oh, it's 5:30, kwani leo hakuna tremor' or 'You felt that tremor?' 'Yeah.' end of story. But you have to be entertained in a country where the president's response to a tremor is 'Mtu ameskia nini? Ni kama kunateleza? Msijaliiiiiii. Mnajua hivyo ndio dunia iko siku hizi'!!

friggatriskaidekaphobia

2007-07-13T11:45:00.000+03:00

Would you beleive that the above is an actual word! And what does it mean? The irrational fear of Friday the 13th (and I don't mean the movie!). See http://skepdic.com/friggatriskaidekaphobia.html if you don't beleive me.

Have a good one!

New phone

2007-07-06T18:05:00.000+03:00

Me's got a new phone! Me's got a new phone! Me's got a new phone!! Shnazzy huh? I'm really really liking it! Granted it's only a few hours old but it's great.

I learnt to do the warranty thing to learn about the phone. If you're the proud owner of a Nokia, press

*#92702689# (ie *#war0anty#)

and you'll learn the serial number, year of manufacture etc, etc. Comes in handy when you think you're buying a new phone only to realise it's got huko 3 hours talk time already spent.

This phone has the most beautiful sound ever (stereo). My buddy says the wezi's did me a favour taking my ex-phone ... now I'm not so sure I don't agree with her.

About the weather

2007-07-02T10:24:00.000+03:00

So when I was getting dressed, there were signs of a beautiful day in the making. And after the weekend's bursts of sun, I had no reason to doubt. So I'm in a short skirt and have come to Thika where it's not only cold but raining! Joy.

My Phone Gone

2007-06-18T10:58:00.000+03:00

So my phone was stolen this weekend while at Psys. It was Saturday night and I was having a ball with a number of pals when somebody came up with the bright idea of forming a mugithi train (well at the time I thought it was bright). Always one for a little fun I joined in and all was great until I put my hand over the pocket of my jeans and realized that my phone was no longer there. I immedeatly knew that it was the guy behind me who had picked my pocket and I told him as such. He put on a long suffering face and accused me of having lost my marbles. I would have none of that. I roughed him into the loo and searched him (in the presence of 2 of my buddies (who would later say that I was last seen scuffling with some jamaa in the loos!!!)) but didn't find it. We called it and it wasn't on mteja yet. So I dashed out of the loo hoping to hear it ringing through the loud banter and music but tht was not to be.

So the thief guy comes after me saying something or other while waving his hands and then leaves. I was still not satisfied because I KNEW that the guy had stolen my phone. So I follow him out and see him put something in a car that drives off. I pretend to see the license plate number and nod while pointing at him as if to say 'I got you now'. I'm not too sure if I fooled him though coz I'd really have needed bionic vision to have been able to see that far. So he comes towards me daring me to bring it on & I go for back up.

The back up comes and I get all over his face telling him that he's a thief and that I'm taking him straight to the cops. And I mean all over his face with barely a centimeter between our noses. And lo and behold a crowd of about 10 not-so-nice looking guys materializes and they ask what we want with their boy. Being hyper-active (what with the pynts in the system and the safe knowledge I have back-up) I shout at them telling them the way their boy is a no-good-thief who were taking to the cops and blah-blah-blah. Luckily, part of my back-up notices that these guys look like they mean business and tells us to back off (I can't remember if I needed restraining) and the guys just walk away. As they leave I notice that one was holding the back of his pants like he might have had a gun and I quickly think 'He! My phone wasn't that expensive! If you want it that bad, you can certainly have it!'

So here I am phoneless. The story wouldn't be complete without my noting that I was in the club for a further 3 hours in the least and I got the DJ to play my choice of music by explaining to him that my phone had been stolen ... Making the best of a bad situation?

FA Cup Finals

2007-05-19T13:43:00.000+03:00

So the FA Final's today. My team (Arsenal) is out so I don't really know who to cheer. As I'm not a hater, I think I'll cheer Chelsea since I don't think they've ever won... At least I can always run back & delete this post if things don't go my way! The virtues of technology!

Just A Thought - First Step

2007-04-12T08:49:00.000+03:00

What do I hope to offer you that you haven’t been exposed to at least half a dozen times a day for a long, long time? What great new finding or idea do I propose to bring to the table? Well to be honest, none. I don’t believe myself a great thinker like the Socrates and Newton’s of this world. Then again in all fairness to those who lived in their time, there may well have been those who thought up the same philosophies and scientific notions before them but just never thought of putting them down on paper. And maybe that’s where we all go wrong. To have great thoughts and not act on them. It’s kind of like telling God “Thanks but no thanks. I don’t really want to be walking from place to place since I have a car, so you just take these legs and give them to someone else.” The fallacy of it all. And yet how often do we do exactly that.

Well excuse me you non-religious types. My reference to God was not meant to make of this piece Christian writing so just wait a minute before you turn elsewhere saying that this doesn’t concern you. (That’s another thing we all tend to do. Cluster ourselves into groupings where we feel safe and look for faults in those who don’t conform. I think the manifestation of this trait is directly proportional to the strength of one’s beliefs).

But I digress. Eager to use myself as an example, I point out that it’s taken me more than 4 years to write this simple piece. I don’t know how long it will take me to seek to get it published (but that’s a story for another day). 4 years is a mighty long time. And they say that if you don’t use it you lose it. How many of my brain cells, initially geared towards writing, have since died and been used to produce hair (which has since fallen off due to the numerous procedures I’ve tried on my head). How much more captivating (the assumption here is that it’s captivating at all) would this article have been, if I had done it when I first got the thought?

I am also eager to share the blame here since I’m sure I’m not alone. How many of the projects you wished to undertake have since become white elephants with truck loads (OK. Let’s stick to big-bag-full) of money pumped in, followed by a loss of interest or lack of zeal to see it through. How many great ideas have you had but let pass away as they’d have entailed too much work? It does not matter that the work involved sourcing for funds and you sat back pitying yourself for being poor Think about it. As for me, I’ve taken my first step.

Indonesia

2007-02-05T13:53:00.000+03:00

Every once in a while I sit down and wonder: what did the Indonesians do to God? I don't mean this in an anti-christian (... or anti-indonesian for that matter) kind of way but ... really. This question on the collection of islands making up the country first dawned on me when in December 2004 (yes it was that far back) the famous Tsunami (which educated many of us on the existance of such phenomena) hit. It was truly heart wrenching to watch events unfold and tally the deaths as they were reported. Whereas many countries were affected, Indonesia was hardest hit.

That would probably have been enough basis for my question above, but wait there's more. In 2005, 2 earthquakes and a further tsunami hit the country causing untold suffering. In December 2006 there's a Boeing 737 plane that went missing, 2 ferrys sank and now, there are floods displacing hundreds of people. Keep these guys in your prayers.

Of Suspicions & Unworthy Lives

2007-01-15T08:15:00.000+03:00

So they've gone & done it again! Forgive me but what the hell is wrong with the US? I'm ranting about the military intervention in Somali. What is wrong with these people? Does super power = super bully?

Not following my aruments huh? Where I come from is here. When I was much younger & watching CNN I heard about the US intervention in Iraq (Dessert storm) and heard countless stories of successful raids where a 'minimal' number of civilian casualties were reported (more often than not, the States claimed that the local reports on civillian death tolls were fabricated and over - exaggerated.) Then there was some strike in Afghanistan aimed at some Taliban/Al Quaeda base which instead hit some pharmacy. Even then, brave military faces stated that the attack had gone exactly as planned even though a 'few' civillians had died in the attack. This was when it first came to me that the reports were not totally honest and that the Americans did not have a great deal of respect for foreigners' lives.

So now they go to Somalia and through air missiles bomb some target where, hoorah, a suspected leader of an Al Quaeda Cell (suspected of masterminding the terrorist bombings in Kenya and Tanzania) is suspectedly killed. Please!!! And what was the price paid for this speculation? A 'few' civillian casualties; minimal price to pay for the 'possible' destruction of terrorists.

And they wonder why the war against terror is not being won? Wake up! I'd hate for the States to one day 'suspect' that my neighbour's a terrorist. It may lead to the total annihilation of my town. See what happened in Iraq over the suspected WMD's? I rest my case.

December

2006-12-14T12:06:00.000+03:00

It's not my fault and no it's not yours either. No one can blame you. It's just the holidays. From the beginning of this month my mind has slowly been slipping into NO WORK gear. I get to work late and leave early without having all too much to show for the time in between. I blame it on
1) my employer who was so indescrete as to let it leak that we're closing the office on the 15th of Dec(Yipppeee!!) and on
2) my workmates who are always eager to go off for a drink.
Seriously, I think I deserve a medal for coming in at all!

I think in Kenya it hails from the long tradition that has been Fridays. The mind goes on autopilot at about 10am and most systems shut down at 12pm. If however you only work half-day (lucky &@#}/!) this process begins much earlier. So in this month, the overpowering feeling of lethargy slowly begins to consume you when you first sign a letter dated December and notice the ever increasing number of beer adverts and promotions.

Don't fight it ... just go with the flow!!!

Liftiquette

2006-11-03T18:44:00.000+03:00

We all do it. All we city/town dwellers use elevators. It may be by necessity or sheer interest but its there. I, who use the contraption daily, have had to force my jaw shut and swallow many a not-so-friendly comment in my wake. Having been pushed, shoved and even propositioned to in a lift, I stopped and thought ‘Wait! This must end! Let’s lay down the law here!”. So here, in self-emancipation from my tormented journeys in lifts, I present to you my little list of Do’s & Don’ts for all lift users.

1. Thou shall not spoil the air/pass wind/fart
You don’t do it while your boss has called you into his office possibly to promote you. If catholic, you don’t do it in the confessional. This shows that those muscles in the nether region work. A good clench at the backside accompanied by careful body positioning will ensure that it doesn’t rip free to suffocate the unsuspecting and un-gas-mask-wielding mob locked with you within those tiny confines.

2. Thou shall give space to those exiting before moving in
It is not brain science. Until those people who are in, come out, there’ll be no space to move in to. It does not matter how much of a hurry you may be in. It doesn’t even matter that you are an important personality. Really. Stand back, let them out, and then go in.

3. Thou shall be considerate of others
You walk onto the ground floor, hear the bell announcing the arrival of an elevator, and immediately set off into an elbow-to-chest and foot-to-foot scramble to get in first, that would make any rugby coach proud. The people you found there were not on an educational tour organized by Otis Elevators to admire the wonderful opening and shutting mechanisms of the lift doors. Behave yourself.

4. Thou shall not push others in order to select a floor
So due to the matters raised in 2 and/or 3 above, you were the first person in and were pushed off to a remote corner. You now realize that you have to indicate where you wish to alight and the controls are at the front. Stop for a minute and consider. Is it really necessary for you bully and batter those around you to get to the front? You’d be surprised to learn that Kenyans are actually quite friendly people. If you just say “3 please,” audibly enough, your assured of a response.

5. Thou shall only push your way out as a last resort
This is closely linked to 4 above. A simple “Excuse me please” will generally have people making room for you to pass. Of course there are those die-hard characters who think that being polite is a preserve for those of Tanzanian decent, and feel no need to oblige. Try tapping this type on the shoulder and repeating the request. Where all else fails, the pushing and shoving will get you out!

6. Thou shall not engage in unwelcome romantic banter with strangers
Really, it’s happened to me. This guy decides I look like good wife material and tries to extract as much information from me as he can in the overly packed and otherwise quiet cubicle. The level of my embarrassment is indescribable. Not everyone is chatty-chatty in small spaces and very few people want to bear their souls (or listen to souls being borne to them for that matter) in a lift. Do us all a favour and find another way into the dating scene.

Poem - Discord

2006-11-02T09:28:00.000+03:00

The weather very aptly describing how I feel
The rain pouring down, oblivious to all appeal
The silence quite deafening, the discord loud
And all this happening without a single sound

The distance, quite great, though invisible in fact
With all conversation cleverly aimed to distract
From the matter at hand, the longing to be one
So much to say but all left undone

How long will it last? What will it take?
When will they both realize what’s at stake?
Will everything be lost and the house of cards come down?
Will they become a memory in each other’s crown?

Politics Lollisticks!

2006-09-29T18:01:00.000+03:00

COMMENTARY – POLITICS AND YOUR HEALTH

Does the countries political landscape ever make you sit back and wonder why you are Kenyan? Why you couldn’t have been born into some low key country where during elections you agonize over the wide array of amazing candidates full of potential who are willing to serve as opposed to such consideration as tribe, oranges and bananas or even pay? Well you’d be hard pressed to find such a country. Even the supposedly developed world suffers from the evil that is politics with leaders such as Tony Blair refusing to let go of power even though the writing’s on the wall and ex-leaders such as Bill Clinton pointing an accusing finger at George W. Bush’s administration for not doing enough to try and ‘kill him’. (Aside: I find it morally reprehensible for any non-extremist leader to stand up and say that they tried all they could to kill X, Y or Z. Really what message does that send to the children? If he’s bad enough kill him? No wonder there are terrorist students in American and other schools who go around shooting their classmates because their parents forced them to do their homework. And no they are neither called Ali nor Fatuma!)

The point is that politics is all about power. It’s a game where only the shrewdest survive. Hence all the alliances and bickering. You might sit in at a rally (or follow the same from the comfort of your home) and get all worked up against the speakers ‘Foe’. You might gnash your teeth with disgust at what the ‘Foe’ is meant to have done and even call for his immediate arrest/dismissal/deportation. Unbeknown to you, immediately after the rally, the speaker may be headed for a meeting with the supposed Foe for a drink.

“You really got me there,” Foe would laugh. “We’re hitting below the belt now are we? Watch out for the news tomorrow!”

“Oh dear friend,” Speaker would laugh. “You know how it is! I’ll just have to think up a scandal to counter yours!”

(Protracted laughter)

“So anyway, how is Mama Toto? You guys should really come over for tea sometime. It’s been really long …”

And there you are at your local burning with indignation at ‘Foe’s’ evil deeds. Getting ready to take part in a mass demonstration against Foe to achieve some purpose or other. Take a leaf from my book; don’t sweat the political small stuff. Refuse to be used as a pawn in anyone’s political mileage. You may die of an ulcer while the politicians continue acting their soap and earning their pay.

Bad day

2006-08-18T20:03:00.000+03:00

What's the remedy to a bad day?

Ja Rule in the Country

2006-07-27T16:56:00.000+03:00

So yesterday, as I was minding my own business on my way home, we chance upon a motorcade of Celtel vehicles & wonder what the hell? When we fika outside Hilton we find mob guys just chilling & that's when it hit us: Ja Rule. So with the rest of the curios Kenyans we hang out waiting for him to chuck. The man has a bodyguard the size of KICC. He just dwarfed these Kenyan pumped guys sent on the scene.

We wait around as they make their arrangements ... and finally he gets out of the car. I suck in a mouthful of air ready to scream and applaud but luckily hold myself back. Why you ask? There's an akward silence as the celebrity and crowd size each other up for a milisecond. Then the moment is lost as he dashes into the hotel. You should have heard the comments "yaani ni mfupi hivo?", "hiyo tu?", "hata mi nimlight kumliko!" I laughed all the way home. Kenyans will be Kenyans.

Test

2006-07-27T14:08:00.000+03:00

This is some sort of trial. I've been unable to write anything here for sometime. Don't really know if it was Blogger or my terrbile internet connection. Well let's see.

Fat Cats

2006-04-27T13:27:00.000+03:00

So now MP's hike their pay YET AGAIN. Whatever guise they give it, more money is just more money. But why should they lower their heads in shame? It's not money from their pockets. No sweat off their backs. They must go to their exlusive retreat spots and just laugh themselves silly. It's the easiest way to make money. Who needs Anglo-leasing when you can do things in a legitimate fashion.

Just try to remember all this the next time you're in a voting booth.

Attack on the Standard Group

2006-03-02T07:54:00.000+03:00

Shock. Total and complete shock. That describes my reaction to today's going's on. A raid has been carried out at the Standard Newspaper and KTN-TV offices. And the worst part is that the raid was reportedly carried out by detectives from the Nairobi Provincial CID Headqarters. Should this be true, we would clearly be going back to such barbaric times as the days of the guillotine.

Should the raid have been carried out by another group, the situation would still be dark as attacks on the media are a stab at democracy.

Let us watch the story unfold.

January Tragedy

2006-02-08T15:03:00.000+03:00

Today let’s consider the men and women who perished or were injured in the building that collapsed on 23.01.2006 in Nairobi. No really, just stop and think. Think of how it must feel like to be submerged in a thick layer of dust in the darkness not knowing whether anyone is coming to get you. Not able to tell how long you’ve been lying there or where exactly it hurts since you’re just awash with pain. Imagine floating in and out of consciousness with only the thought of your family to hold on to. Let’s give these brave people a face in our mind’s eye so that they don’t just become statistics.

We can’t think of the tragedy without giving big ups to the rescue workers who have been working non-stop to try and save lives. Special consideration is given to the Israelis who have come to assist us, again when we so desperately need their know how. Thanks.

We probably shouldn’t wait for the next building to collapse before we figure out how to tackle the situation.

2006-01-13T14:14:00.000+03:00

If you live in Kenya today, you will slowly become aware of a new National Policy that is being effected in a slow calculating manner aimed at slowly infiltrating society. It's a move to stop Kenyans from drinking.

Think about it. It started with these 'kumi kumi' dens and we were all agreeable after watching tens of people die and go blind around the country. We applauded the police's effort to net the brewers and find their poisonous stock.

Next came a ban aimed at removing advertisements of alcoholic drinks within school vicinities. Again we didn't think much of it. A little harsh maybe, but hey we don't want our young ones influenced by alcohol. No. Let them study. Fine.

The next step wasn't as painless to many. It was the regulation that all alcoholic beverages must be sold in quantities of not less than 205 ml. With this saw the end of the famous sachets that had served many. People became disgruntled and complaints were heard from all corners. Another lot of people were totally unaffected by the move as they were used to the larger quantities anyway or were beer guzzlers.

So imagine their shock at the next blow! (Pardon the pun). The breathalyser (Alcoblow) comes to town. Now you hear the masses jumping up & down declaring the contraption illegal, an infringement of privacy, unconstitutional, useless and downright evil. Of course the non-driving crowd are somewhat un-affected. Or are they? A look at the Traffic Rules indicates that it is an offence to enter a public service vehicle while intoxicated. Where does that leave you? Can’t drive home, can’t take a cab. Local? Think again!

It’s now been stated that bars in residential areas won’t get permits. Can you say ‘bye bye local’?

My suggestions are:
a) drink in the house.
b) drink tea.