My Tumultuous Weekend

In a bid to entertain, let me tell you about my weekend.

It starts on Friday night when I have plans to go for a friends housewarming after a little do for my bro's birthday. Another pal offers to give me a ride as she'd also be headed there at the same time. We agree that I'm to call her at about 10pm. So the do ends early and I hung around town until 10pm and call. Where is she you wonder? She's gone! Just gone! Forgot all about me, whose been hanging out late specifically just to meet her. (Choice words censored here).

OK fine. I call the housewarmee who says that I can always grab a mat and notes that I'd be fine if I chuck at the right stop. So it's westlands and I've been aware that the bus stop was moved although I'm not too sure where to. I jump into a mat and for some reason just can't get myself to ask the tout where I should alight. I ride on and on and when I realise I must be on my way to Kangemi, I ask to be shukishwad. Everyone in the mat gives me a funny look and I only realize why when I'm out. It's the dark of night and I'm in the middle of nowhere. It's drizzling and vehicles are whizzing past me. I tell you Mary must have been surprised at all the Hail Mary's that went up to her that day. But she was very good to me and I got to a safe place from where my buddies picked me.

Saturday afternoon. For one, my phone is almost picked from my pocket while travelling in a mat. A non-descript ka-jamaa sat next to me and I only noticed something was amiss when I felt something move in my pocket. His hands were crossed and you would never have guessed what he was up to. Maybe with a bit more practice he'll be so good at it that he'll open up his own Mobile Phone outlet.

Saturday night. I go out for a bash that was rather delightful with a bunch of my pals. We hung out together until the wee hours of morn and then THEY ALL LEAVE ME IN K1 WITHOUT MY PHONE, MY KEYS OR MY BAG! The dude in whose car I'd left my stuff (still tormented by my near loss of phone) up and left without a goodbye and put off his phone. That was OK since we were still a number. But come the end of the night, they ALL forgot me. There were 2 separate means, a car and a cab. I had gone to find out how much the cab guy would charge us and when I came back there was no one. Apparently each car thought I'd gone with the other. (Choice words censored again).

After taking in the shock and thinking at least I have some money in my pocket, I go back to the cabs to find them all gone!!! Wallowing in self pity I go to Pitchers where the waitresses warily ask "Madam ukonashida?" And they ask huko from a distance lest I start off on a tirade of litanies describing all that's wrong with the world and force them to be there for the next shift. And at the time I'm asking myself even if I get a cab, where the hell am I going without keys.

Well I somehow manage to get home

Sunday. I spend the day in bed where 'friends' can't get to me!

Author's ego his downfall

Now this should just knock your socks off! Ati some ka-polish guy, an author no less got jealous after learning that his wife had had a lover. So what does he do? He schemes and plots on his revenge and lets the details simmer in his mind for a while. The poor lover-man is tortured, starved and finally killed and his lifeless body is fished out of a river by the baffled police who find no leads.

Perfect crime no? Perhaps it would have been ... had the author not thought of turning his crime into a book! Yeap! He puts the gorry details of the crime and packages it into no less than a bestselling book. So one day, some bored cop retires home after a hard day's work to relax with his family with a glass of wine and a book. Yes, you guessed it. He puts two and two together and the author is arressted and tried for the murder. The author is Krystian Bala and the book is titled 'Amok'.

I kid you not. Check this out.

Ms. Knowles

Doesn't super sexy and fabulous Beyonce look like your average Njeri in this picture? Go on ladies, admit it. When I saw the picture I was first drawn to it coz she looked just like my primo maths teacher. Glad to know the stars aren't always sparkling!